2008 Predictions

[Chris58]

Every year about this time prognosticators like to predict that the world will end or some such stuff. I am always amused that few of these predictions come true, but I give them credit for sticking their necks out for what they believe, even when they will be ridiculed. In that vane I offer the following predictions about the Rams for 2008. As usual, these predictions are meant only for entertainment purposes.

1. Orlando Pace Retires: Pace retires when he tears every muscle and joint on his right side while getting off the team bus for the first exhibition game. Pace announces he will attend medical school so he can save money by operating on himself.

2.2008 Draft: Linehan tries to draft two tight ends with the 2nd pick of the draft. When Goodall explains that only one player per pick is allowed, Linehan pouts so long that the Rams forfeit their pick.

3. Linehan the OC: Jay Z gives Linehan a vote of confidence after Linehan convinces him that he has a new offense ready to go for 2008; the single wing.

4. Bulger is released: Since the single wing requires a running quarterback, Linehan releases Bulger and moves Steven Jackson into the quarterback position. A side note: Bulger signs with the SF ***** where he is reunited with Martz and leads them to the Super Bowl.

5. Bruce retires: After being so unreasonable as to not restructure his contract for $50 per game as demanded by the Zigmeister, Bruce retires. One week later Bruce signs with the Pats where he catches the winning touchdown pass in the Super Bowl to defeat the SF *****.

6. Bennett soars: Linehan installs Bennett as the #1 receiver. When asked why, Linehan says, "you don't need to pass much in the single wing offense you know!"

7. Ram TE Heaven: The single wing offense under Linehan features 5 tight end sets. When asked why, Linehan says, "you don't need any receivers in my innovative single wing offense!"

8. Woody Hayes alive and well in 2008: When asked why he installed an offense where the passing game is non-existent Linehan says, "My hero Woody Hayes used to say 'three things can happen when you pass and two of them are bad.' "

9. The defensive changes: No changes are made to the defense except to let Chillar walk. When asked why Hasslett says, "I think our defensive schemes were very effective last year and we had so many injuries on offense that it demoralized our defensive players. So why should we change anything?"

10. Special teams: As a result of our special teams coverage, our defense allows the lowest yards per game in the NFL. Unfortunately the Rams set a record for the most points allowed in the NFL. Average starting position for opponents drives is the Ram 35 yard line. Also, Dante Hall, installed by Linehan as the kickoff returner at the beginning of the year, retires after three games but not before setting the NFL record for kickoff returns for a single season.

These aren't all the possibilities for 2008. Feel free to consult your own crystal ball.

[Nick_Weasel]

11. Rams announce that instead of hiring an OC they will purchase NFL Madden 09 for the PS3 and use the "ask Madden" feature to determine playcalling.

[bruce4life]

Madden, " Hey this play might work!"
Linehan, " It doesn't involve any Tight Ends, Your Fired"

[laram0]

12. Steven Jackson gets a hair cut. Now he can hear the awesome tunes in the DOME alot better.

[theodus69]

Georgia sells her share of the team, the new majority owner says" the market is in LA"
The team moves back to LA in the I.E. next to the Fontana 500 and all is well. Pletty of parking and easy access and I Theodus69 hosts the Clan bash at my house!!!! All is
even better!!!!!!!

[Chris58]

Here's another one: Barron leads the league in false starts in 2008 even though he is inactive for the last 12 games of the season.

Some of these are just too easy.

[RamOfDenmark]

11. Rams announce that instead of hiring an OC they will purchase NFL Madden 09 for the PS3 and use the "ask Madden" feature to determine playcalling.

Hah, that's genius! If I ever see Linehan near a PS3 I'll know what happened.

I've got a prediction of my own. After another disastrous season Georgia invites the entire coaching staff to a pool party at her new mansion, curiously no one on the staff is ever heard from again.

[Goldenfleece]

1. Rams coverage teams cut down dramatically on return yards allowed by just kicking the ball out of bounds on punts and kickoffs.

2. After concluding in 2007 that a team isn't obligated to carry a third quarterback or a true fullback, Linehan concludes in 2008 that the center position also is not mandatory. The quarterback lines up on the line of scrimmage and hikes the ball himself. Surprisingly, we allow less sacks as Bulger gives up on the pretense that his offensive line might protect him.

3. Haslett employs the first 12 man blitz in NFL history when he runs out on to the field and tackles Matt Leinart himself. NFL officials don't throw the flag for having too many players on the field because Larry Fitzgerald completely obscures their view of Tye Hill lined up across from him.

4. Haslett ties for team lead in sacks for the year with 1.

5. The Patriots secondary led by Rodney Harrison beat Torry Holt with tire irons. Holt leaves the field on a stretcher. No penalty. The next issue of Sports Illustrated has a picture of the Pats defenders with the caption "Belichick for President?"

[LA Rammer]

How about something more positive:

1. Pete Carroll ends talks with Falcons and continues to manifest interest in coaching in the NFL. The Rams make a few phone calls and badabing! he signs. Linehan hears about this but no one returns his calls.

2. Pete makes Cameron offensive coordinator. Front office is busy. Marshall Faulk is named front office something.

3. Number 2 pick is traded to bring veteran help on offensive line. Which leads to acquisition of key players.

4. No one returns Linehan's phone calls

5. Signs are that this is going to be a "great team"

6. Team under the cover of night moves to L.A.

7. Season starts with 4 straight victories. Rams go into Foxboro
and humiliate the Patsys as Tom Brady suffers a career ending injury, via Joe Theisman. Belicheat is exposed for for more fancy camera work.

8. Rams go 16-0, but go onto the super bowl. I get free tickets all expenses paid on the 50 yard line.

9. No one returns Linehan phone calls.

10. I wake up

[moloch41]

1.) Richie Incognito is named offensive captain, but then proceeds to grab the facemask of an opposing team captain during the coin flip in the opening game and is flagged with a 15 yr personal foul penalty before the game even begins.

2.) Britney Spears suddenly snaps out of her depression when a friend tells her, "Yeah, you lost your children to an unemployed back-up danceer, but at least you're not Scott Linehan."

3.) Jim Haslett realizes that the second half of games aren't just practice for the next week and that they really do count.

4.) Alex Barron is late for every home game after getting in multiple car accidents because of his inability to wait until the light turns green.

5.) Jimmy Kennedy gets a promotion to the deep fryer at McDonalds, but is quickly fired when they find out that his "1 fry for the customer, 20 fries for me" policy is cutting into their profits.

6.) Scott Linehan promises to figure out what is wrong with the Rams offense week after week.

[yodachu]

The Rams go 0-16 after taking Fred Davis #2 overall. And then Mike Peterson in the second round, and Chris Wegner in the 3rd.

[itsguud]

11. The rams trade Steven Jackson and Issac bruce in a lopsided combo deal to the whiners for Veron Davis.

12. Losehan, decides he needs more tight ends around to help his staff and hires Shanon Sharpe as OC.

[mde8352gorams]

Hey Chris58.....great thread and funny as h***!!

[Chris58]

THANKS. It was fun to think of the possibilities.