Bernie's Blog from Britain

***BernieM*** · -10-24-2012

Ahoy, mates! This is jolly old Bernie reporting from London!

Well, I must say my good chaps... it is simply brilliant to be here. After winging it across the pond, I’ve settled in for the match between the Rams Football Club and New England United.

But, first, I wanted to explore the culture of Mother England. I went to a pub across the car park from my hotel. They asked me if I’d fancy a pint, and I said yes. To my surprise, it was not my usual pint – rocky road – but rather a dark brown beverage. When I asked what it was, the bartender said “You seemed like a stout man to me.” I took that as an insult regarding my girth, and told him to “bugger off.” He then called me a “wanker,” so I left.

Feeling a bit peckish, I decided to sample some of London’s famous cuisine. I ordered some fish and chips with a side of beef wellington and bangers and mash. It was a great snack.

I then decided to hit the sights. I figured I’d start with the most famous London landmark – London Bridge. I couldn’t find it on a map, so I asked a taxi driver for directions. He asked me “which London Bridge?” I replied “you know… the old one.” He laughed and said something about it being Arizona. I don’t know if I’ll ever get this British humor.

After walking around the city, I felt a bit tired, so I asked a local if there was a fast and easy way to get back to my hotel. He said I should take “the tube.” Well, after nearly an hour of searching, I finally found a store that sold inner tubes, and I hit the Thames. It seems I had been mislead, as floated for five hours before realizing I wasn’t anywhere near my hotel. Finally, a nice policeman drove me back. He also called me a “wanker.” I’m really going to have to look that word up.

Anyway.. ta-ta for now!

--Sir Bernie