ClanRam Awards: Funniest Poster (Vote Here)

[AvengerRam]

This just in...

AP: June 24, 2004
Bob L. Head Takes Lazy Voters To Task

In a stunning development in the heated election for ClanRam's Funniest Poster award, leading candidate Bob L. Head publicly chastised the non-voting members of the Clan.

"They're a bunch of cowards and losers." Mr. Head stated, "They have the power to vote in this election, but they spit on that right and do nothing. Why, I wouldn't even want their votes if they changed their minds. Those people are just the scum of the Earth!"

Mr. Head went on to quote from an obscure psychological study regarding non-voters.

"Dr. Ada Rian of the Mishegas Institute did a study recently that conclusively proved that 98.7% of those who do not vote are Communist Nun-beating Satan Worshipers. You can't argue with statistics like that!" Head exclaimed, while frothing spittle gathered on the corner of his mouth.

Candidate AvengerRam was unavailable for comment.

[Bob L. Head]

(Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord...)

Well, now we see just how far Avenger is willing to stoop to win this election. My fellow ClanRammers, I can promise you that I never, ever said I didn't want your votes.

(...He is trampling out the vineyards where the grapes of wra(i)th are stored...)

And, while I may have spittled, In assure you it was due to the fact that I may have been a bit intoxicated at the time. But, I ask you: who hasn't drooled a bit when plastered?

(...He has loosed the fateful lightening of His terrible swift sword...)

Oh, now I suppose Avenger will try to claim he is a tee-totaller, but then again, if he won't sit down and have a beer with you, how can you trust him to make you laugh?

(...His truth is marching on...)

No, ClanRammers, don't fall for his meager attempts to sway your vote. He can't stand on the issues, so he must wallow in the elephant pen of lies and deceit.

Remember: A vote for Bob L. Head is a vote for laughter!

(Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
His truth is marching on.)

I am Bob L. Head, and I approved this post.

[AvengerRam]

Is it me, or is this thread starting to resemble...

[AvengerRam]

And now, another message from the Bob L. Head campaign.


"Take it from Jessie, this election is messy, but Bob's humor's an inspiration, accross this great nation, he is truly funny, and yes, he paid me lots of money."


"Maybe I just moved here to ClanRam so I could qualify for an election, but believe me, I know the definition of funny. It may take a village to raise a child, but it takes a funny poster to raise our spirts. Vote Bob L. Head."


"You vud hav to be crazy not to vote for Bob. Now... tell me about your muzher."


"Yo! It would be whack if you didn't f#*&! vote for Bob. He's the mutha *&$@# bomb!"


"Shaaaaaron! Who the bloody Hell should I vote for!?!"



"I'm a bad impersonator of Bob L. Head, and I'm here to convince you that he approved of this message."

[txramsfan]

oh ****e.....how am I supposed to concentrate on anything after reading that?

[adarian_too]

The next 60 seconds of a Public Service Announcement is brought to you by Floridian Lawyers for Democracy ... {our way}.

[txramsfan]

You know, this is my favorite campaign. You guys are really cracking me up today.

:redface:

[UtterBlitz]

You know, this is my favorite campaign. You guys are really cracking me up today.

I agree with you tx... they are getting creative with the full colored glossies and commentary.

[adarian_too]

This just in on the wire ...

Adarian_Too is back in The Hollow mulling over whether to prepare a bitter concession speech. Campaign Aides report that he is currently in seclusion also pondering how to get back at the nominators for subjecting him to this publically embarrassing trouncing. They also said that he does extend his thanks to those that voted for him - even if they only thought they were just helping Bob L. Head's campaign. He is thankful that apparently to those few he did not come across as an asss often enough. He will try harder next time. He did not make clear however whether he meant try harder next time being funny or being an asss.

[Bob L. Head]

Bob L. Head Gains Support of IBB

ST. LOUIS - Continuing to gather support for his self-proclaimed grass-roots "Laughter for the People" campaign, Funniest Poster candidate Bob L. Head today gained the endorsement of the International Brotherhood of Bobbleheads.

Union spokesman Orlando "Sign the Big Man" Pace said, "The first vote was near unanimous. 80% of the brotherhood voted to back Bob L. Head as the candidate who best represents our views. There was a small 'misinformed' minority in our brotherhood that was pushing for AvengerRam, though."



After first vote, 4 of 5 IBB members supported Bob L. Head

After a lengthy closed-door session, however, a second vote was taken with the result unanimous in favor of Head. "We were able to convince this small minority that Bob L. Head was the candidate for the future, and after another vote, our choice was unanimous," Pace added.



After second vote, support for Bob L. Head was unanimous

Neither Bob L. Head or AvengerRam were available for comment.

[evil disco man]

Bob L. Head Gains Support of IBB

ST. LOUIS - Continuing to gather support for his self-proclaimed grass-roots "Laughter for the People" campaign, Funniest Poster candidate Bob L. Head today gained the endorsement of the International Brotherhood of Bobbleheads.

Union spokesman Orlando "Sign the Big Man" Pace said, "The first vote was near unanimous. 80% of the brotherhood voted to back Bob L. Head as the candidate who best represents our views. There was a small 'misinformed' minority in our brotherhood that was pushing for AvengerRam, though."



After first vote, 4 of 5 IBB members supported Bob L. Head

After a lengthy closed-door session, however, a second vote was taken with the result unanimous in favor of Head. "We were able to convince this small minority that Bob L. Head was the candidate for the future, and after another vote, our choice was unanimous," Pace added.



After second vote, support for Bob L. Head was unanimous

Neither Bob L. Head or AvengerRam were available for comment.

Holy crap.

[adarian_too]

AP ... Disturbing news continues to flow from the AvengerRam campaign headquarters. A less-than-sober source has exchanged, a memo he acquired, for a 50 LB bag of sugar and some yeast. The memo cannot be disclosed in its entirety because of national security implications, but we can show part of it that is in the public's interest. Even this part has been suggested is subject to top-secret clearance for obvious reasons. In the interest of the public's need to know however we now present The Memo.
_________________________________________________________________


Txramsfan
% ClanRam MVP Campaign Headquarters
Losers United, TX

Dear TX:

After adarian_too's shameless exploitation of my association with David's Voting Machines was publicized, I realized the attempt to manipulate the electoral process has been severely compromised. Therefore, I have devised a new strategy which can be used to thwart the will of sensible men.

TX, I suggest that you employ the following strategy:

1. Go to www.yahoo.com
2. Create a new e-mail address.
3. Return to www.clanram.com and create a new registration under a new user name.
4. Follow the instructions to activate your account on ClanRam.
5. After your account is activated, enter the ClanRam Talk Forum and vote for me and yourself in the elections we are in.
6. Sign out of ClanRam.
7. Go to www.yahoo.com
8. Repeat steps 2 - 6.
9. Return to www.yahoo.com until you have registered enough e-mail addresses to impact the outcome of the elections.

Sincerely hoping to see you on the podium one way or another,

AvengerRam
_________________________________________________________________

[AvengerRam]

Suggesting that I would stoop to such levels just to win a silly election is absurd.

On a completely unrelated note...

For every additional vote I receive, I will release one of these puppies:

[RamsFanSam]

This has got to be some of the funniest stuff I have seen in, oh my, it has to have been....several minutes.

I have a question for the humor experts:

My brand of humor usually consists of major filth, you know, "potty humor". I have been called a "commodian" by many relatives, friends, co-workers, and a few members of the clergy, but enough of that, I'm getting to the point. Many of the same folks have sweetly suggested that I take my act on the road, doing stand-up. They say I would be great at it! What I want to know is this: This would mean I would be a stand-up commodian. Wouldn't I be a urinal?

Inquiring mom wants to know. :confused:

[RamsFanSam]

Well, after that last post my other half posted, all I can say is she has periods because she deserves them...I think I will find some dishes for her to wash.....lol