A Message From The General

[AlphaRam]

Now, I want you to remember that no player ever won a game by fumbliing for his team. He won it by making the other poor dumb player fumble for his team.

Men, all this stuff you've heard about the Rams not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the game, is a lot of horse dung. Rams, traditionally, love to play. All real Rams love the sting of battle.

When you were kids, you all admired Roman Gabriel, Bob Waterfield, Merlin Olsen, and Kurt Warner. Americans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Rams play to win all the time. Now, I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That's why Rams have never lost and will never lose their pride. Because the very thought of losing pride is hateful to the Rams.

Now, Rams are a team. Lives, eats, sleeps, fights as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. The bilious b-tards who wrote that stuff about individuality for the Psychology Today don't know anything more about real football than they do about fornicating.

Now, we have the finest food and equipment, the best spirit, and the best men in the world. You know, by God, I actually pity those poor b-tards we're going up against. By God, I do. We're not just going to whoop the b-tards. We're going to knock out their living daylights and use their their helmets to take a dump. We're going to mangle those lousy Cowboy b-tards by the bushel.

Now, some of you boys, I know, are wondering whether or not you'll chicken-out under fire. Don't worry about it. I can assure you that you will all do your duty. The Cowboys are the enemy. Rush into them. Spill their blood. Knock them on their butt. When you put your hand onto the laced-up pigskin, you'll know what to do.

Now there's another thing I want you to remember. I don't want to get any messages saying that we are holding our position. We're not holding anything. Let the Cowboys do that. We are advancing constantly and we're not interested in holding onto anything -- except the enemy. We're going to hold onto him by the nose, and we're gonna kick him in the butt. We're gonna kick the hell out of him all the time, and we're gonna go through him like crap through a goose!

Now, there's one thing that you men will be able to say when you get back home, and you may thank God for it. Thirty years from now when you're sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee, and he asks you, "What did you do in the NFL" -- you won't have to say, "Well, I shoveled ish at Texas Stadium."

Alright now you SOBs, you know how I feel.

Oh, I will be proud

to root for you wonderful guys

into battle anytime,

anywhere.

GO RAMS!

That's all.

[RamOfDenmark]

Am I smelling another guarantee coming up for the Cowboys game?

[AlphaRam]

I guarantee a Rams win!

There, I typed it, you have it. We're gonna grab them by their noses (avoiding the facemask) and kick them in their arses.

[Bar-bq]

You heard it here first, folks.