My Exclusive Interview With Scott Linehan

[BernieM]

Welcome, Coach.

Thanks for having me.

Let's get down to business. 0-4. Not what you expected, huh?

Things are going well. I see improvement in many aspects of the game. I'm encouraged.

You're encouraged? You've lost the last two games by a combined score of 59-10. The only TD the team has scored in the last 11 quarters was on a punt return. What's encouraging?

Well, you for one. You keep telling me my job is safe for another year.

Touche! But you know I'm just blowing smoke, right? You know the front office doesn't really tell me anything, right?


You and me both, big man!

Okay, you got me on that one! So how is Marc Bulger doing?


Well, of course, he's not quite 100%. But we've got a lot invested in Gus Frerrotte, so I don't want to subject him to an injury.

Don't you have more invested in Bulger?

Yes, but he's already injured.

Not sure I follow your logic on this one...

Yeah, me neither.

What about the Steven Jackson issue. You sat him out for the entire preseason, and he proceeded to have a very slow start, marred by fumbling problems, and then got hurt. Any regrets.

Absolutely. I wish I hadn't taken him first on my fantasy team.

You play fantasy football?

Of course. I'm in a league with Don Imus, L.L. Cool J, Matt Damon, Al Roker and Jeff Goldbloom.

Really? So who's in first?


Well, that Roker guy wins every year, but I've got him this year. He took Bulger, Bennett and McMichael, and you can see what I've done to make sure he doesn't get too many points.

Oh, so that explains the playcalling.

You catch on fast.

So, what do you see as the bright points of this team right now?

Well, certainly the defense has improved a bit. In fact, if we could just hold on to the ball and score points, the defense might actually look pretty good.

Of course, Coach Haslett has more to do with that than anyone.

I think I've left my mark there too.

How so?

I like to stay involved. I'll walk by during practice and say "nice job, guys," or something like that. I think that is a big help.

No doubt. What would you say to those fans out there who are losing faith in you and your staff?

There are fans out there who don't like me?

Um... yeah. Some have even come up with acronyms for fake organizations opposing you as the coach.

Well, that's just mean. I--I--

Coach?

Y--Yeah?

Are you crying?

N--No...

Don't worry, Coach. Things will get better.

Y--you really think so?

Uh.... yeah... sure. Sure they will.

I feel much better.

[PossumBoy9]

Nice interview, Bernie.

[mikhal5569]

Now thats some funny stuff, good interview.

[ramsanddodgers]

Now that there is funny. I don't care who you are!

Too bad some of it doesn't sound like it may be too close to the truth...