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Rams Head Coach Candidate Questionnaire (Stolen from Rams Park)
Agent 002 of the Avenger Bureau of Investigation (ABI), fighting his way through a veritable tent village of St. Louis media camped out waiting for the white smoke indicator that a new Head Coach has been hired, obtained the following document.
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Head Coach Candidate Questionnaire
1. Finish the following phrase: "Offense sells tickets but ________ wins championships."
(a) more offense
(b) a hot cheerleading squad
(c) defense
(d) Bill Belichick
2. Finish the following phrase: "Unused replay challenges are ________."
(a) okay
(b) the Devil's plaything
(c) a terrible thing to waste
(d) exchanged for valuable concession stand coupons at the end of each game
3. How many time outs does each team get per half?
(a) Unlimited
(b) Three
(c) Three in the first quarter, none in the second; Three in the third quarter, none in the fourth.
(d) Can I have a time out before I answer this one?
4. If hired, my defensive coordinator will be:
(a) Larry Marmie
(b) My brother-in-law, Bob.
(c) Selected from a pool of established coordinators and defensive coaches.
(d) Rich Coady.
5. As Head Coach, I would strive for the following nickname for the Rams:
(a) Greatest Show on Turf
(b) Greatest Surf and Turf Dinner Show
(c) Greatest Smurf Show
(d) The Sound of Music
6. The Front Office is:
(a) Here to help the team in any way possible.
(b) Always right
(c) My Lords and Masters
(d) All of the above
7. If Carl Petersen calls me in the future, I will:
(a) Take his call and discuss whatever opportunity he presents.
(b) Tell him to go F*** himself.
(c) Hang up.
(d) B and C
8. Georgia Frontiere is:
(a) Hot
(b) a babe
(c) a wonderful woman
(d) All of the above
9. If Things Go Wrong, Which of the Following Statements Should be Made to the Press?
(a) Shoot, we'll fix that.
(b) Yebbit, yebbit, yebbit.
(c) I take the blame for this one.
(d) No comment.
10. I promise I will work:
(a) hard
(b) cheap
(c) obediently
(d) all of the above
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That's one! (Let's keep it going!)
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