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Return of... Fun w/Wiretapping!
My nework of spies has been working overtime to bring you some of the most intriguing private conversations relating to the NFL found anywhere on the internet. So, without further adieu, I bring you...
The Return of...
Fun w/Wiretapping!
Mike Martz/Bernie Miklasz/PD Editor
<ring>
BM: "Hello?"
MM: "Bernie!"
BM: "Oh, hey coach... what can I do for you?"
MM: "Well, I wanted to let you know that I am sponsoring a charity function to benefit alzheimer's research. Its going to be next week. Maybe you could mention it in your column."
BM: "Sure. No problem. Anything else going on?"
MM: "Yes. I am heading a clinic for High School coaches along with a couple of college Head Coaches. Its a free 2 day interactive seminar."
BM: "That's great. So what's going on at Rams Park?"
MM: "Oh, we are really excited about this year. We love the free agents we've acquired and are really confident in our draft choices. Oh, shoot... its 12:00... gotta go meet Charley and Jay for lunch. They get mad when I'm late, you know! Ha ha! Anyway, talk to you soon Bernie."
BM: "Bye, coach."
<click>
<ring>
PD Ed. "Hello?"
BM: "Its me. I'm going to need some space for an exclusive on Mike Martz. I've just learned that Charley Armey and Jay Zygmunt are frequently angered by Coach Martz's tardiness and disregard of their time constraints. I'll title it 'Trouble in Rams Park Threatens Season.' Oh, and see if one of the junior writers is available to throw together a couple of sentences on some charity crap Martz is doing."
Terrell Owens/Drew Rosenhaus
<ring>
TO: "Hello?"
DR: "S'up Dog! Big D in the house!"
TO: "Look, Drew, you're a little Jewish guy from the suburbs. Stop trying to talk ghetto."
DR: "Sorry, TO. Look, I was thinking about it, and I really believe the Eagles are screwing you over. You need to threaten a holdout."
TO: "I don't know, things are going pretty well there and..."
DR: "Did you know that there are at least three players in the NFL who get more money than you?"
TO: "What!!?!?!! Those @$$#*!%s!!!! I'm the best player in the league! Everyone knows that!"
DR: "That's what I'm talking about! Besides, as your new agent, its important to me that I get you a new contract so that I get a commis... er... so I show you how important you are to me."
TO: "Just don't say it agai...."
DR: "Show me the money!!!!"
TO: "Ugh."
<click>
Mike Tice/unknown
<ring>
MT: "Hello?"
??: "Um... is this North Lakes Ticket Exchange?"
MT: "Oh... uh... yes, yes it is... can I help you?"
??: "Yes, I need floor seats for Mariah Carey."
MT: "No problem. I can hook you up..."
San Francisco Whiners Ticket Office
<ring>
Clerk: "Hello, San Fran tickets..."
????: "Yes, I'd like to cancel my season tickets."
Clerk: "Of course. May I, for survey purposes, ask why?"
????: "Why!!?!!!??! You have the nerve to ask why!?!!? Where do I start? Let's see, you've managed to offend half a dozen minorities with that damn traning video. Is that reason enough? Did it ever occur to you people that many of your fans are, or have friends who are, gay, poor, female or Asian-American? Not to mention the fact that the product on the field is horrible? 2-14!!! You call that Niner football? I'm better off driving to Oakland and watching the Raiders! It just disgusts me how far this franchise has fallen. I'm actually considering becoming a Ram fan!!!"
Clerk: "I'm sorry you feel that way, Sir. I'll be happy to assist you with the cancellation of your season tickets. May I have your name, please?"
????: "Walsh. Bill Walsh."
Mike Holmgren/Shaun Alexander
<ring>
SA: "Hello?"
MH: "Shaun, its Coach Holm--"
<click>
MH: "Hello? Shaun...? Hello?"
Last edited by AvengerRam; -11-07-2005 at 01:00 AM.
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