'TWAS THE .NET BEFORE CHRISTMAS...(long)
The very best holiday wishes to all at ClanRam from your friends at Seahawks.NET!
‘Twas the .NET before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, and Pithy was soused.
Plush footballs were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that a playoff soon would be there.
The forums were dead as the Seahawks.NET clan,
Dreamt of Cardinals and Niners and busted-up Rams.
And Aros in his kerchief and Cindy in her cap,
Had just settled down near a passed-out Kitsap.
When out on the boards there arose such a clatter,
Dfarrar sprang up to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
Stepping over casualties of the recent .NET Bash.
A hawk on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a luster of Xs and Os from below.
Could this to my wondering eyes please be true,
It’s Absolutplayer with a cool Cover 2!
Alas, a little old coordinator, so grumpy and bent,
I knew it was Rhodesy with that same lame Prevent.
More slowly than turtles his blitzes they came,
And he cursed them and bashed them and whacked them with blame!
“Now, HAMLIN, now, TRUFANT, now, BOULWARE and BROWN,
Oops, BROWN is still injured and WISTROM is down!
I suppose I’ll be asked now to scheme such a scheme,
That my defense will play just like Dfarrar dreams.”
But lo, in the moonlight, his scheming just stank,
And his Blitzes went “PHBBBT!” like an old rusty tank.
It seemed, in the end, that the defense would die,
No playoffs, just layoffs, and all left to cry!
And then, in a twinkling, I heard with a bleat,
The prancing and dancing of each nasty cleat.
The players rejoiced with a joy ‘fore unknown
And up came St. Romeo, with his Super Bowl Crown!
He was dressed in a sweatsuit to warm up his bones,
And the luster of genius shone from his headphones.
A bundle of blitzes he had in his sack,
And he looked like King Belichick as he planned the attack.
His eyes-how they twinkled – his playbook so merry,
As he told Alexander he’d get 25 carries!
“You’ll win when you do this, you’ll lose if you don’t,
And I’ll run you in a way that the Walrus just won’t.”
The promise of playoffs he held tight to his chest,
And he unleashed his schemes in the way they’d work best.
The Cardinals would first learn of the team’s great rebirth,
As St. Romeo unleashed a Hell on this Earth.
St. Dennis and his Cardinals were caught unprepared,
As the Seahawks moved quickly to gather their share.
“St. Dennis! St. Dennis!”, his players protested,
“The Walrus is gone…and we’re getting bested!”
St. Dennis replied, “Boys, it seems like a lock,
You better say bye-bye to those Same Old Seahawks.”
With the Cardinals so vanquished that it seemed like a trick,
The Seahawks prepared for good old St. Vick.
But the Falcons had clinched, and St. Vick rode the pine,
And St. Romeo’s blitzes caught them from behind.
It was over so quickly that Hass did sit down,
“On, DILFER…revisit your Super Bowl crown!”
Good DILFER did so, and the Hawks won the West,
Hitting the playoffs and playing their best.
But as they did enter the postseason run,
Came Steakboy to spoil their marvelous fun!
He taunted and haunted and flaunted his smack,
“I know you, you Seahawks…you’re nothing but hacks!”
But just as it seemed as if Steakboy got free,
He found he was whacked with a silver trophy!
“NO ONE WILL DOUBT US”, St. Romeo said,
“If you do, you’ll get Lombardi upside yo’ head!”
And with that one whack, the NFL knew,
That the Seahawks were real, and dangerous, too!
The Panthers came calling in the first playoff frame,
Though injured, they were tough, and certainly game.
Now this was a battle, as defenses fought,
And through three quarters, a point couldn’t be bought.
Then late in the fourth, Good Sir CHIKE did come,
To lay down the wood on a dazed Jake Delhomme.
This caused Jake to fumble which BOULWARE did see,
And ran in the touchdown for a Hawk victory!
“Good BOULWARE! Good BOULWARE!”, St. Romeo said,
“Are you sure you’re a rookie? It seems that instead…
“You’ve been in the league for an awful long time,
“Winning game after game when you came from behind.”
“St. Romeo”, said BOULWARE, “I’ve waited for this,
“To play in a scheme that could lead us to bliss.
“I know I’m a rookie, but believe when I say,
“The Eagles will freak when they see how I play!”
Indeed, there were Eagles awaiting our Hawks,
With a much better record, and a whole lot of talk!
But they did not know what St. Romeo knew…
That the Seahawks were real, and dangerous, too!
So off to the East our Seahawks did go,
To the nastiest fans that they ever could know.
And Philly was ready to bring it with force,
Though T.O. was gone, and they missed him, of course.
With Trotter and Westbrook and Reid and McNabb,
These Eagles said, “Seahawks? Just go call a cab!”
But as the game started, Eagles could not fly,
They grounded McNabb, and they spit in his eye!
And after the game, it was McNabb and HASS,
And McNabb said, “You won it – you just kicked our a**!”
And now four years standing, the Eagles could not…
…Become conference champs, though good players they bought.
St. Romeo gathered his players around,
And they listened so raptly, not making a sound.
“Boys, though our team now knows how to click,
“We must steel ourselves for this King Belichick.”
“I know this King well – so great he has been,
“His players are soldiers, and his coaches are MEN!
“Prince Brady, in Super Bowls, will bring you to mind,
“Of the ghost of Montana, and that’s not too kind!”
“He throws off his butt, like Good Favre in Green Bay,
“But if you’re not aware, he will win the day!
“I’ve not come this far to get pushed off the blocks,
“So PROVE to me you’re not those Same Old Seahawks!”
King Belichick waited down in Jacksonville,
He knew that St. Romeo would be ready to kill.
“I know this man well”, he said with a sly grin,
“But this trophy is mine, and to lose is a sin!”
With pageantry everywhere and the world on alert,
St. Romeo readied to bring in the hurt.
He saw in young BOULWARE an ace up his sleeve,
And every young Seahawk did firmly believe.
From kickoff to halftime the Patriots led,
And Steakboy foresaw that the Seahawks were dead!
“Since no one can come back on King Belichick,
“The Seahawks are done, and this time it will stick!”
Trouble was brewing on the Seahawks’ sideline,
As drop after drop would burn Hass’ behind.
K-ROB, and D-JACK and even ENGRAM,
Were treating the ball like a big Christmas ham!
But Steakboy was in for another surprise,
As in front of the world, and before his eyes,
Young BOULWARE said unto his coach, “Romeo?
“I can catch the ball, and this you should know!”
St. Romeo said, “This is how it goes down;
“Young BOULWARE in the slot covered by that Troy Brown.
“Let’s match them with schemes of a dangerous sort,
“And shove the pooh-poohs that the pundits purport!”
So, tied near the end and barely alive,
The Seahawks prepared for that one fated drive.
And on the last play, with a juke and a gun,
BOULWARE caught the HASS pass, and off he did run!
He ran past those Pats, into the end zone,
And onto the field, the Seahawks did come.
To celebrate the greatest win of their lives,
And revel in destiny’s honey-filled hives.
But way from the back, the Zebra did come,
To once again ruin the Seahawks’ great fun!
The flag he did throw, and the call did come in,
“It MUST be a penalty – the Seahawks can’t win!”
And then, with a quickness, and on the attack,
St. Romeo came with his big trophy whack!
“Oh, Zebra, oh, Zebra”, he said with such glee,
“I hope you like tasting my big Lombardi!”
The zebra was vanquished, the Seahawks were best!
King Belichick knew that, and pulled from his vest,
A crown of such beauty, it tested the eye,
King Belichick said, with a smirk and a sigh…
“St. Romeo, you are the new football king,
“Using the knowledge to you I did bring.
“Best wishes to all of your soldiers and MEN,
“You beat us this time…but we’ll see you again!”
And as these great Seahawks flew back to the West,
Secure in the knowledge that they were the best,
The .NETTers awoke from their long winter’s snooze,
And wondered aloud, “Did our Seahawks LOSE?”
King Romeo met them with a smile at the door,
And said, “These are your Same Old Seahawks NO MORE!”
And all did rejoice, and a BASH did ensue,
With Black and White Russians, and cold microbrew!
King Romeo said, as be prepared to leave,
“We’re coming back hard, and you better believe!
“We'll KEEP this Lombardi, of that there’s no doubt,
“And please pick up Pithy…I think he’s passed out!”
The NETters said, “Lo! It is real and true!
“The Seahawks are real – and dangerous, too!
And Romeo said, as he passed out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all…and to all a good night!”