If a federal agency controlled sports, and the Christmas present that can conquer the world!
(Gregg Easterbrook will contribute his Tuesday Morning Quarterback column to NFL.com readers each week during the NFL season, with his Reader Animadversion published on Wednesdays. He is a senior editor of The New Republic
, a contributing editor of The Atlantic Monthly
and a visiting fellow at the Brookings Institution. His latest book, The Progress Paradox
, released by Random House, is in bookstores now.) (Nov. 22, 2005) -- It looks like baseball will finally act against steroid use, thus staving off congressional intervention. This is a good thing, because if Congress created any kind of sports regulatory body -- surely with a catchy name such as the Federal Administration of Sports Administration -- it would be the beginning of the end. Here is what would happen if there were a Federal Administration of Sports Administration:
- An Acting Deputy Associate Assistant Administrator for Sports Administration would be required at every NFL, MLB and NBA game.
- Ticket prices would be doubled to pay for the thousands of supervisors and one clerk at the Federal Administration of Sports Administration.
- Outdoor games would require an Environmental Impact Statement.
- Defenses would be required to file Blitz Impact Statements.
- Replay reviews would be conduct by the Supreme Court, with decisions announced annually on the first Monday of October.
- Congress would hold hearings into the Eagles' playcalling.
- Teams would be forbidden to ask the age or gender of cheerleader candidates.
- The Arizona Cardinals would be admitted to the Super Bowl on an affirmative action basis.
- Huddles would be open to the public.
Actually, the thought of the Supreme Court being the final authority on replay reviews is pretty amusing. On Sundays, the justices could sit in their chambers in their robes drinking microbrews and screaming at the tube, "He never got both feet in bounds!"
I'd stop watching and attending sports avents.
I dont even think Nick Seiler would like this.
Maybe this will bring him out for 5,000
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