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  1. #1
    adarian_too's Avatar
    adarian_too is offline Registered User
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    On Last Useless Preseason Argument - about Cheerleaders nonetheless ...

    The ‘ole lady and I got into another “discussion”. So what else is new you may ask. And what does that have to do with football you may ask also. Well here it is. My 2006-2007 Rams Cheerleaders calendar had arrived and I didn’t want to point out to her that I’d rather have any of the 30 ewes as a photo on my desk so I changed the subject.

    Conveniently, the Rams had just acquired Stephen Davis. And then they followed that up shortly thereafter by trading for Adam Goldberg. Well there was a rant in there and I thought I’d use it to keep the ‘ole lady off my back about the cheerleaders. Here is what I remember about the exchange.

    Me: “Can you believe that frikkin’ FO again?” I bellowed, while shuffling the calendar under a stack of emptied tins.”

    Her: “What are you whining about today, she asked disdainfully.”

    Me: Feeling guilty that some beer backwash was dripping on the cover, I lurched towards the pile with my t-shirt in hand – all the while griping that it made no sense to me why the FO would sign Fisher, Williams, and Russell – keep them all camp long and then go out and sign Davis despite not seeing any recent footage of him. I belched something about “Doesn’t the FO know how to evaluate talent before they sign someone?”

    Her: Of course she knew I was just trying to distract her from one of my stupid antics again, but she decided to humor me anyway and remarked: “Look mash-breath, the FO is trying to put the best team on the field and if they decide that someone isn’t working out, they shouldn’t hesitate to replace him with someone better suited.”

    Me: Mash-breath? I wasn’t going to let her derail me with personal insults, so I pressed ahead. “For cryin’ outloud. Dey has had all of offseason to see that Sapia-what-his-name couldn’t plug a gap without fallin’ over his own three feet. Did dey really have to wait to da end of the preseason before they brought in someone we haven’t had time to criticize yet?”

    Her: “Look thimble-wit, maybe Saipaia suffered some niggling injury and wasn’t going to be the contributor the FO hoped for at the beginning. You can’t expect the team to stick with him just because he was on the roster for a while.”

    Me: I had her now. “You’ve stuck with me all this time and I’ve been on the roster for some time. I don’t see you bringing in new talent at the last minute.”

    Her: “Well, if you’d get your beady eyes out of the girlie calendars, you’d see that the FO always is going to know better than you and that a 12” fryin’ pan learns a man much more than bringin’ another man around.”

    Whack. Thud.

    And that was how another preseason ended.


  2. #2
    coy bacon is offline Registered User
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    Re: On Last Useless Preseason Argument - about Cheerleaders nonetheless ...

    Chin up mate! Just because you've had a losing pre-season doesn't mean that your regular season is going to be poor.

  3. #3
    cowboyhater's Avatar
    cowboyhater is offline Registered User
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    Re: On Last Useless Preseason Argument - about Cheerleaders nonetheless ...

    Quote Originally Posted by adarian_too View Post
    Her: “Well, if you’d get your beady eyes out of the girlie calendars, you’d see that the FO always is going to know better than you and that a 12” fryin’ pan learns a man much more than bringin’ another man around.”

    Whack. Thud.

    You've got yourself a fine woman, treat her well!

  4. #4
    adarian_too's Avatar
    adarian_too is offline Registered User
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    Re: On Last Useless Preseason Argument - about Cheerleaders nonetheless ...

    Quote Originally Posted by cowboyhater View Post
    You've got yourself a fine woman, treat her well!
    If nothing else, I am constantly reminded that her insights can be painfully direct.

  5. #5
    RamsFanSam's Avatar
    RamsFanSam is offline Pro Bowl Ram
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    Re: On Last Useless Preseason Argument - about Cheerleaders nonetheless ...

    Adarian, I guess I'll have to teach you how to deal with women.

    You see, women LIKE to be treated like a woman should be treated. So, here's my advice:

    1. Gently remind her that football is something most women can't grasp, and that she should stay quiet, allow you to enjoy your calendar, and her job is to bring you beer while doing so.

    2. Obviously, she is mixed up on the proper use of frying pans. Go to a used book store, and find her some old (1940's and '50's era) books on homemaking and cooking. She will be pleased.

    3. Instead of roses, surprise her with more practical gifts. You will not believe the emotions she will display when you bring her home a new broom and dustpan, or a new iron!

    4. Most women love shoes for some reason. Take her shoe shopping. Buy her a nice, comfortable pair of running shoes. This way, her feet won't hurt after running to the kitchen to get you beer during the game!

    5. I'd bet your wife has some nice clothes. Surely, you wouldn't want her to ruin those clothes, so buy her an apron to wear when she's cleaning and cooking.

    6. Let the poor woman have her enjoyment while you are watching the game. Don't interrupt her (except to request another beer) for the three hours the game is on, and she will be able to get all of those dishes washed by hand. What a nice way for you to let her know you want her to feel like a woman!

    7. Never forget to help your woman out around the house. After spending all day cooking and cleaning, she's bound to forget something, or make a mistake. Give her suggestions to help her out. Tell her how to improve her cooking, and remind her what she forgot to clean. She will be so thankful for your suggestions.

    So, Adarian, if you take my advice, you won't be seeing the little woman acting the same way ever again. I guarantee it. I speak from experience. Who better to take marital advice from than me? I have 3 ex-wives, so I should know what women like, right?

  6. #6
    adarian_too's Avatar
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    Re: On Last Useless Preseason Argument - about Cheerleaders nonetheless ...

    The last time I saw merit in some of these suggestions and tried them myself she calmly walked away.

    When she returned, she brought in a .46, cleared it of all the rounds, threw one of the nyclad hollow-points back into the cyclinder, spun it, pointed it at my head, and in one of the dumbest damm Eastwood impressions, snarled: "Are you feelin' lucky today?"

    The last thing I heard before passin' out from fright was "click-click".

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