Eli Manning Accidentally Shoots Himself with a Water Gun at Chuck E. Cheese


The New York Giants have been able to overcome a myriad of distractions this season, thanks in no small part to the steady hand of quarterback Eli Manning. But it is now Manning himself who has provided the latest distraction after accidentally shooting himself in the thigh last night at a Manhattan nightspot.

“Right now we are just concerned for Eli’s well being,” said head coach Tom Coughlin. “It was really embarrassing for him. The gunshot left a wet spot down the front of his pants, and all the other kids made fun of him, thinking he peed his pants. So he’s upset. He thought he had finally gotten past the years of taunts from bullies.”

Manning shot himself in the leg at approximately 5:25 p.m. when his Super Soaker water gun slipped down his OshKosh B’Gosh overalls as he climbed out of the ball pit, spraying his left thigh.

The quarterback’s mother, Olivia Manning, was at the Chuck E. Cheese with her son and fled the scene with him and disposed of the gun.

“We had to get out of there,” said Mrs. Manning. “We had to change his pants and it was time to go anyway – Eli gets overwhelmed after an hour or so at Chuck E. Cheese because of all the flashing lights and noise and all the other kids. And that gun had been leaking for a while. He has plenty of others.”

Security at the Chuck E. Cheese – namely the establishment’s security guard/janitor, Dale Huntley – said he was unaware of the incident.

“I didn’t see or hear the gunshot,” said Huntley. “But I was keeping my eye on him when I wasn’t emptying trash cans. He had the carriage of pee-pant, and you have to make sure those kids don’t pee in the ball pit or it becomes very unsanitary.”

Manning is currently in his mother’s bed recuperating from the traumatic incident, but the Giants expect him to be able to play on Sunday.

“He’ll be okay,” said Coughlin. “Usually when something bad happens to him, all he needs is a cup of hot cocoa and his Elmo DVD. He’s a trooper.”