Surgeons Tell Chad Johnson That He May Never Dance Again
A week after undergoing surgery on a bum ankle that will allow him to return to the football field in time for training camp, Cincinnati Bengals receiver Chad Johnson received the worst news of his life today when team surgeon Angelo Colosimo told him that his ankle can no longer support the rigors of celebratory dancing.
“This is the part of my job that I despise,” said Dr. Colosimo. “Having to look into a grown man’s eyes and tell him that he can’t shimmy, shake and prance anymore … well, it’s obviously not a fun thing to do.”
Colosimo says Johnson’s ankles are strong enough to support the demands of football, but would likely fail catastrophically during an intense dance routine.
“Chad’s ankles can handle the typical running, jumping and stopping and starting of a football game,” he said. “But a celebratory dance routine at this level asks a lot of an ankle. All of that action up on the tippy, tippy toes in a dance number – skipping, sashaying and spinning – requires perfectly sound ankles. And, sadly, Chad doesn’t have that any more. That’s why I’m afraid we’ve seen the last homoerotic, twirling, hip-thrusting touchdown dance from him. From now on, it’s just catching the ball and conservatively spiking it to the turf.”
But Johnson vows to dance again.
“I have the heart of a champion,” said Johnson. “A champion ballet dancer. Mark my words, I will dance again. In fact, I just had surgery a week ago and I’m already able to prance. Prancing! In just a week! So I guarantee you that the first time I score this year, I am pulling out the most dandified, tip-toe-ingest dance you ever did see. No ankle injury is going to prevent dance magic from pouring out of these legs.”
SportsPickle.com - Surgeons Tell Chad Johnson That He May Never Dance Again
Linear Mode
