Archer's real Mock Draft (First round only)
Since some of us on the board don't take jokes to well....
1. Oakland Raiders-JaMarcus Russell-LSU Quarterback
Remember last year, when everyone knew the only sure pick to the Texans was Reggie Bush. This isn't the Texans but it's close. The Raiders need to start again. Unless they bring in Culpepper they need a quarterback. Draft the guy with the big arm to feed the deep ball to Moss and Porter. He's big enough to be able to take some hits behind a line that needs improvement. When you don't have a franchise quarterback, you take one. Oakland takes Russell to mesh with their system.
2. Detriot Lions-Gaines Adams-Clemson-Defensive End
The Lions continue to upgrade a dreadful defense with the best pass rusher since, well Mario Williams. With a motor and a love for being on a quarterback, Adams fits with Marinelli's "relentless" defense. They could take Quinn, but they seem to love Adams, they pick up a quarterback later, with a corner. Elite Pass rushers are few and far between the Lions don't miss theirs.
3. Cleveland Browns-Brady Quinn-Notre Dame-Quarterback
Charlie Frye and whoever the devil is behind him aren't getting it done, in fact they're losing games. The Browns have offensive playmakers in Edwards, Winslow, and their newest addition Jamal Lewis, the only thing they don't have on offense is a quarterback. Romeo takes his old pals prodigy in Quinn and the Browns sure up the lines in the later rounds.
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers-Calvin Johnson-Georgia Tech-Wide Receiver
Gruden gets his man in Johnson. The Bucs spent last year trying to sure up their line, now they go for the sexy pick. Joey Galloway is over the hill and Michael Clatyon who? Tampa Bay has been lackluster at best on offense. They have a quarterback that can play, in at least one of the eight on their roster. The FO gives them someone to play with.
5. Arizona Cardinals-Joe Thomas-Wisconsin-Offensive Tackle
The big break the Tards have been waiting for since they began playing football. The best lineman in the country falls to them at #5 and new coach Wisenhunt can't afford to pass this up. He builds around the line, and what a cornerstone to start with. The Arizona offensive line, in past years has only been second to Houstons, now with Detroit and Oakland in the running, the competition is too tough for the Tards and they pull out, taking Thomas with them.
6. Washington Redskins-Alan Branch-Michigan-Defeinsive Tackle
Well, Washington isn't all good in the offseason....They've had serious problems on the defensive front, well the hole defense, The Skins suck, but start to fix it by taking the big man in the middle. Greg Williams seriously needs some new toys to play with on defense to fix what was supposed to be a great one, and get them back on the map. Washington could just as easily take Anderson, but this is my mock so deal with it.
7. Minnesota Vikings-Jamaal Anderson-Arkansas-Defensive End
The good news? The Vikings had a great run defense last year. The Bad news? They forgot the other guys can throw the ball. They have decent players in the secondary, granted some of them may be on their last legs but their pass rush is worse. Anderson brings much needed speed to the defensive line to combine with two great tackles and improve a pass defense that couldn't rush a sloth.
8. Atlanta Falcons-LaRon Landry-LSU-Free Safety
Another team that once had a good defense but is now in the top ten because it gave out. Most of the pieces are still in place for a top notch defense. Brooking, Abraham, Hall and so forth and what not. What's missing? A safety and another end. They could very well take Carriker, but I say they take Landry to cover their "ends" and pick up a lineman in round 2.
9. Miami Dolphins-Levi Brown-Penn State-Offensive Tackle
Camera needs Brown to slide in at tackle no matter who's playing offense in his system. The short little while Culpepper was in, he was killed. Harrington, while not a good QB didn't fend off the wolves any better. Miami takes Brown to protect Green for a couple years, then, a Lemon?
10. Houston-Adrian Peterson-Oaklahoma-Running Back
Who's laughing now? Houston gets an "elite" pass rusher in Williams a year ago, and now gets a great running back? They'll take it. Houston would love Brown to drop to them because no one ever, has had a worse offensive line then Houston. I'm sure David Carr wouldn't mind telling you so. Houston takes Peterson to start over, Wali Lundy...and Dominick Davis/Williams.
11. San Fransisco Worstteamever-ers-Adam Carriker-Nebraska-Defensive end/tackle
Once again the whiners will crush the hopes of the Rams taking their man. San Fran takes Carriker to help ease along the process of a transition to a 3-4. The only thing Carriker can't do on defense is play in the backfield. He'll play standing up, on the ground, backwards and upside down. It doesn't matter he will do it all out west. Shame to see a good player go to waste.
*How many straight guys from San Fransisco does it take to change a lightbulb?
Both of um
12. Buffalo Bills-Patrick Willis-Ole Miss-Linebacker
Yikes, the Bills lost the two best linebackers in franchise history. They signed their defensive line away, and even though they lost Nate Clements, they still lost, "Their two best linebackers in franchise history". They make up for it with Willis, once again breaking the hearts of many a Rams fan.
13. St. Louis Rams-Amobi Okoye-Louisville-Defensive Tackle
As I'm sure you're aware the Rams run defense didn't do so hot last year. Personally I'd blame Bush, but the FO won't and instead blame the current tackles and they'll be impeached and Okoye will take the spot. Dude's only 19, you can train him to do anything at that age. Teach him to be a Physician, or an manage, or stick with defensive tackle and let him wreck the day of Frank Gore.
14. Carolina Panthers-Greg Olsen-Miami (U)-Tight End
Kris Mangum retired, Carolina needs to replace that legend. Carolina needs to help Jake the other snake and give him a pass catching tight end and another threat. Don't let defenses triple cover Steve Smith anymore. Give him a double coverage that he can beat. Don't make Jake force it to Smith either. Carolina would love LaRon Landry here, but who wouldn't?
15. Pittsburgh Steelers-Paul Posluszny-Penn State-Linebacker
This team is all about defense. Except for last year. Even if they didn't lose Porter they still needed another OLB. Puz is it. The kid from Western PA goes to the Steelers to reform that 3-4. Steelers could also use help in the secondary and could grab Nelson, but he's too fast for them.Green Bay
16. Packers-Marshawn Lynch-Cal-Running Back
Ahman Green is gone, Samkon Gado had his fifteen minutes and Brett Farve is still playing. Given the recent success of rookie running backs, the Pack takes Lynch for the the now and later. He can run, break tackles, catch...Brett Farve will be happy to extend his nine lives with this pick.
17. Jacksonville Jaguars-Reggie Nelson-Florida-Free Safety
Another defense that needs back on the map. Dion Grant left, and Darius Donovan needs a walker and a big glass of milk. The Jags take the rangy Nelson to improve a secondary that was exposed without some of the d-line.
18. Cincinatti Bengals-Brandon Meriweather-Miami (U)-Free Safety
No just kidding
The Bengals take the best corner who took a nose dive, Leon Hall. Amazingly no corner has been taken, oh well that's the way the dice roll. The Bengals lost long time starter Tory James to the Pats, and who knows how Joseph is going to pan out with these legal troubles. O'Neal has slowed down as well, but seeing how he never was really a top notch corner, he can't fall too far. The Bengals improve the secondary after they locked up their line.
19. Tennessee Titans-Dwayne Jarrett-USC-Wide Receiver
If Vince Young could motion himself there'd be no need. Since our Drew Bennett left the Titans there's no one to catch. That changes with the boom or bust Jarrett from USC.
20. New York Giants-Lawrence Timmons-Florida State-Linebacker
The Giants need help all over the defense, except for end. In the same mold as Arrington, Timmons fills in at a crucial spot on the D. They revamped the secondary, and should continue to do so later on. Along with Offensive tackle.
21. Denver Broncos-Jarvis Moss-Florida-Defensive End
Paired up with Elvis Dumervil, the Broncos could have a great pass rush for a while. They could move to replace Wilson, but the value isn't there. Since they got Dre' Bly they don't need help at corner. They do need more of a pass rush, never having recovered from Trevor Pryce.
22. Dallas Cowboys-Brandon Meriweather-Miami (U)-Free Safety/Cornerback
Dallas would like to move Anthony Henry to safety and pair up the rangy new safety with the smashmouth old safety. Meriweather can go to corner and make up for Henry, or, if not play the free safety spot himself. Wide Receiver is a spot they'll take care of later, since it's not as big of a need.
23. Kansas City Chiefs-Dwayne Bowe-LSU-Wide Receiver
KC needs another threat on offense besides Larry Johnson. Yes he'll be there. The best tight end in NFL history is getting older and losing it. But they'll take a playmaker at Wide out in for form of a Tiger. The interior of the o-line will be taken care of real soon.
24. New England Patriots-Ted Ginn Jr.-Ohio State-Wide Reciever/Returner/Cornerback?
Troy Brown did it. Those rumors a little bit ago we heard about Ginn moving to corner, this is where they came from. The Pats can use Ginn to take care of two needs, WR and a returner, I can't say corner because they take one real soon.
25. New York Jets-Derrelle Revis-Pitt-Cornerback
The best corner the Jets have is Justin Miller but only cause he's a great returner. No one on the roster is a starter, taking Revis here is a steal, they'd pick up a corner here no matter who's still on the board, Houston, Ross they'll take one six feet under at this point.
26. Philadelphia Eagles-Anthony Spencer-Purdue-Defensive End
You've heard me say it at least 962 times, here's another defense that was good.....Spencer makes an impact here. The Pass rusher does just that. He'll be a swing man, and learn the linebacker spot. There's real linebacker with the value at this spot. The Eagles have a history of updrading the line early and often. Keep the tradition alive.
27. New Orleans Saints-Aaron Ross-Texas-Cornerback
The offense was mind blowing last year. The defense was too, but it was bad. The weakest spot is in the secondary. Ross is the best corner left and gives them an instant upgrade, probably over their linebackers too. As a plus he can return stuff, that's not such a big deal with Reggie Bush on the team.
28. New England Patriots-Chris Houston-Arkansas-Cornerback
Weakest spot on the Pats d for the majority of the last few years has been corner. Some years they have that stand out corner like Ty Law. I'm not convinced Samual is a great corner and should be getting all that money. The Pats aren't either but there is no one behind him. They take Houston to be the next stand out.
29. Baltimore Ravens-Joe Staley-Central Michigan-Offensive Tackle
There isn't a glaring need on this team. But Ogden has flirted with calling it quits and Baltimore needs to be ready to have a solid tackle ready to take his place. If nothing else, move him around and shift him to right tackle. He's a good player, let him play.
30. San Diego Chargers-Robert Meachum-Tennessee-Wide Receiver
The release of McCardell means there is absolutly no one with a number other than 21 or 85 can catch. LT can't put up a season like last year, as much as everyone outside the AFC West wants him to. They need a playmaker for Rivers to go to on the outside. With size, great hands and great speed, Meachum is their guy.
31. Chicago Bears-Demarcus Tyler-North Carolina State-Defensive Tackle
Because I said so.
32. Indianapolis Colts-Jon Beason-Miami (U)-Linebacker
The rest of the league keeps chipping away at their defense. They lost Cato June, which could have been their best defensive player, certainly the best linebacker. Indy has no needs on offense, maybe a back up running back. But they rebuild the defense through every round.
Dude, these things take forever. My hat goes off to everyone else who doesn't do this for a living.