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Thread: Secret transcript from ESPN's coverage last night

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    HUbison's Avatar
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    Secret transcript from ESPN's coverage last night

    The ESPN crew working the draft last night was.....umm, interesting, shall we say. I know everyone watched it, but there were some subtle comments that may have been missed. Well, I pulled some strings with my buddies over at NSA and managed to get a transcript from portions of last night. Here it is:

    Kiper: This team really helped themselves with this pick. This guy has a great speed-to-size ratio, and the pinkie on his right hand is only 1/4 inch shorter than his ring finger which historically has proven to be very effective at his position.

    Gruden: I can't believe they didn't take Manziel! He's gotta go on the next pick!

    Lewis: I used to play with a guy like him in college. Yea, I can't remember his name, but that guy was pretty good.

    Berman: Errrrr......uuuuuumm......back, back, back, back......da Raaaaaiders.

    Kiper: Ok, looks like the next pick is in, and I'm not sure about this one. This guy looks good on paper, but his hip bone density is a full 3.4% lower than the average NFL hip bone. I'm just not sure I'm willing to take that risk at this point.

    Gruden: What?! They didn't take Manziel!? But don't they know he has a cool nickname??

    Lewis: I knew a dude in Baltimore that could make soup from a hip bone.

    Berman: Uuuuuuuhh.....it's hip to be square! I love me some Ric Ocasek. And there goes the Commissioner to the podium, Roger Goodell. Raaaaaajahhhhh!

    Kiper: This is an interesting pick, because he's great on the field, but there's some off the field issues. He has a pending drug possession charge. Now, what I'm hearing is that he was caught with 4.2 ounces of marijuana. And that's a full 1.1 ounces more than the average prospect at that position, so that concerns me. Also, these charges are a Class D misdemeanor in Maine, but can be plead down to a civil injunction if the prospect was wearing plaid and the arresting officer was left-handed. That is the case here, so he should avoid jail time.

    Gruden: Manziel will be 3 of the next 4 picks. Manziel!!! MANZIEL!!!! MAAAAAAAAAANZiel!!!!!!!!!

    Lewis: I knew this dude that has some sweet weed from South America. It would mess you up, man. Me and Sharpe used to roll around in that stuff.

    Berman: Uuuumm........errr........da Raaaiders........Sportscenter is next!
    laram0, TekeRam, berg8309 and 2 others like this.

    "Before the gates of excellence the high gods have placed sweat; long is the road thereto and rough and steep at first; but when the heights are reached, then there is ease, though grievously hard in the winning." --- Hesiod

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    Re: Secret transcript from ESPN's coverage last night

    Joe Namath: I want to kiss you Suzy

    Wait, wrong show.

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    Re: Secret transcript from ESPN's coverage last night

    Quote Originally Posted by HUbison View Post
    Kiper: This is an interesting pick, because he's great on the field, but there's some off the field issues. He has a pending drug possession charge. Now, what I'm hearing is that he was caught with 4.2 ounces of marijuana. And that's a full 1.1 ounces more than the average prospect at that position, so that concerns me. Also, these charges are a Class D misdemeanor in Maine, but can be plead down to a civil injunction if the prospect was wearing plaid and the arresting officer was left-handed. That is the case here, so he should avoid jail time
    LOL! I actually didn't watch ESPN as I prefer NFLN so I missed out I guess.


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    Re: Secret transcript from ESPN's coverage last night

    Quote Originally Posted by sosa39rams View Post
    LOL! I actually didn't watch ESPN as I prefer NFLN so I missed out I guess.
    It was tragic. I, of course, have utilized some creative license, but it's not as far off as it should be. Kiper did his thing, and was actually the highlight. Gruden just kept beating the Manziel drum over and over and over, getting more jacked up with each team that passed on him. Lewis was a big dumb jock that sounded like a big dumb jock. I truly thought Berman was having a stroke on multiple occasions.
    "Before the gates of excellence the high gods have placed sweat; long is the road thereto and rough and steep at first; but when the heights are reached, then there is ease, though grievously hard in the winning." --- Hesiod

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    Re: Secret transcript from ESPN's coverage last night

    Quote Originally Posted by RebelYell View Post
    Joe Namath: I want to kiss you Suzy

    Wait, wrong show.
    Suzy should thank broadway Joe for that night as it gave her a lifetime career now on ESPN if she wants it. "I couldn't care less about the team struggling" -- Classic video - one of the best.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQqIQyT-RuM

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    Re: Secret transcript from ESPN's coverage last night

    Hub, that was comedy gold.

    Bravo.

    I always mock Berman on the annoying "back, back, back, back" calls he makes at EVERY home run derby for EVERY home run hit by EVERY participant.

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