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Adam “Pacman” Jones Son Causes Chaos at Local Chuck E. Cheese
Adam “Pacman” Jones Son Causes Chaos at Local Chuck E. Cheese
(AP) Nashville, Tennessee
Chuck E Cheeses reports that Tommy Kelly’s birthday party was recently marred by violence when 6 year old son of Titan’s Cornerback “Pacman” Jones, Frogger Jones, reportedly broke into a ticket machine at a local Chuck E Cheeses and afterward armed with a backpack full of yellow prize tickets he threw his tiny arms up and “made it rain.”
Chaos erupted within the usually tranquil family establishment as dozens of children lept to there feet and made a mad dash for the thousands of tickets strewn about the skee-ball lanes and multi-colored ball pits as the situation escalated when the panic spread to several other birthday parties and even the giant mouse himself couldn’t regain control of the ticket frenzied mob.
All hell broke lose when Jones screamed “come get yo tickets *****es,” and hundreds of screaming children from ages 6 to 13 all converged on the ticket machine like a pack of rabid wolverines knocking over tables, chairs, giant costumed characters and basically rendering the restaurant a flashing ringing war zone.
Things escalated when even the most well mannered group of Mormon children got completely out of control and started violating a skee-ball machine. Little Frogger himself was angered by the ensuing mob and ended up slamming a birthday boy’s head against a Dance Dance Revolution machine while screaming at the top of his little lungs “Do you know who I am? Who’s dancing now son!?!” The little boy’s name was withheld from reports, but according to a Chuck E. Cheese employee, the little boy turned 10 that day and sadly left his party with only that many baby teeth still intact.
The child was able to regain consciousness for long enough to collect a few hundred of the much sought after tickets which he used to get himself some Chuck E. Band-Aids and some Chuck E. Crutches. Unfortunately, he was unable to enjoy his much anticipated Hannah Montana cake.
Tiny Nike imprints were everywhere as the mob (all hopped up on pizza and Mountain Dew) took to destroying the restaurant, tipping over video games, dismantling skee ball machines, raising havoc in the ball pit and then mocking and ultimately destroying the band of singing bears that plays shows in the Chuck E. Cheese Dining Hall. Destruction estimated at over $15,000 was not all that resulted from the melee as the restaurant is now missing several chairs, numerous birthday cakes, several air hockey pucks and an entire member of the “Country Bear Jambaroo.” Anyone who has information on the whereabouts of “Ban Jo Bear” or “Jasper T. Jowls” is asked to alert the proper authorities immediately.
Management at the restaurant say they have never seen anything like the anarchy and panic that ensued when little Frogger threw those tickets in the air. The Company now says it will beef up ticket machine security and take all the necessary precautions for future birthday extravaganzas, while adding that if Mike Vick’s son ever wants a party, Chuck E. Cheeses has a “no animals allowed policy” that pertains to everything except for giant vermin.
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