a laugh as we go on our way

[ramsanddodgers]

I just received this via e-mail and thought I'd share the laugh with my friends...

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one: Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway because the truth was just too darned humiliating.

I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.

Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again.. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how cowardly I perceived her behavior. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men in this predicament choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.

The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics were standing over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been there, done that" paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress hysterical laughter but not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back to the office where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"



If they only knew!

[UtterBlitz]

This story make me laugh lots

[laram0]

A young couple wanted to join the synagogue, the Rabbi told them, "We have a special requirement for new member couples. You must abstain from sex for one whole month."

The couple agreed, but after two-and-a -half weeks returned to the synagogue.

When the Rabbi ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and the husband was obviously very depressed.

"You are back so soon... is there a problem?" the Rabbi inquired.

"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly.

The Rabbi asked him what happened.

"Well, the first week was difficult...However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible...anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts.

One afternoon my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I just had my way with her right then and there. It was lustful, loud, passionate sex. It lasted for over an hour and when we were done we were both drenched in sweat," admitted the man, shamefacedly.

The Rabbi lowered his head and said sternly, "You understand this means you will not be welcome in our synagogue."

"We know", said the young man, hanging his head. "We're not welcome at Home Depot either."

[general counsel]

That is truly an all time classic.

ramming speed to all

general counsel