MOM's Sad Attempt at a Humor Thread

***MOM*** · -11-30-2005

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the
> > > entertainment community . . .
> > >
> > >
> > > The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast
> > > infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes
> > > in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a
> > > lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned
> > > out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth,
> > > Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker,
> > > the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave
> > > site was piled high with flours.
> > >
> > >
> > > Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly
> > > described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he
> > > was kneaded.
> > >
> > >
> > > Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later
> > > life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered
> > > a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on
> > > half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at
> > > times he still was a crusty old man and was considered
> > > a roll model for millions.
> > >
> > >
> > > Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two
> > > children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one
> > > in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly
> > > father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for
> > > about 20 minutes.
> > >
> > >
> > > If this made you smile for even a brief second, please
> > > rise to the occasions and take time to pass it on and
> > > share that smile with someone else who kneads it.

***MOM*** · -11-30-2005

THE POTATO HEADS

Well, Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other. Finally they
got married and had a little sweet potato they called "Yam." Of course,
they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they told her about the
facts of life.

They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't
get accidentally mashed and get a bad name for herself like "Hot Potato"
and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots. Yam said not to worry, no Spud
would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

But on the other hand, she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato
either. She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her
Shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out
for the hard boiled guys from Ireland. And the greasy guys from France
called the French Fries.

And, when she went out West, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't
get scalloped. Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and
wouldn't associate with those high-class Yukon Golds or the ones from the
other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that
say, "Frito Lay."

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so
when she graduated she'd really be in the chips. But in spite of all
they did for her, one day Yam came home and announced
she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw! Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she
couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's

just........................

Are you ready for this?.............................

Are you sure? ............................

OK! Here it is! ...............................

A COMMON TATER !!

***MOM*** · -11-30-2005

THE FISHING TRIP
>
>A man calls home to his wife and says, " Honey I have been asked to go
>fishing up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends.
>
>We'll be gone for a week.
>
>This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been
>wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out
>my rod and tackle box?
>
>We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my
>things up.
>
>Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas....."
>
>The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy, but being the good wife she
>does exactly what her husband asked.
>
>The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise
looking
>good.
>
>The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?
>
>He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Blue Gill and a few Pike.
>
>But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to
>do?"
>
>The wife replies, "I did, they're in your tackle box

***MOM*** · -11-30-2005

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a
while they got to know each other so well, they
decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom. The other
the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white
dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his
tuxedo.

The wedding was lovely. After the wedding, at the
wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said
to the groom-broom "I think I am going to have a
little whisk broom!!!"

"IMPOSSIBLE !!" said the groom broom.
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Are you ready for this!!?
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Brace yourself; this is going to hurt...
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Really bad...
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"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER"