In my own words: Me

[BernieM]

One of you guys sent me a PM suggesting I should do one of these, so here it is:

Meet BernieM...a former middle school hall monitor who
became the greatest sportswriter of all time

Favorite Food: lard on whole wheat
Favorite Restaurant: Bobby Joe's Cup-O-Fried-Pickled Pigs Feet
Favorite TV Show: Teletubbies
Favorite Movie: DeathRace 2000
Favorite Actor: The guy who plays Chewbacca
Favorite Actress: The one who played "Big Mama"
Favorite Musical genre: Pan Flute
Favorite Musical artist: Zamphir
Favorite Vacation spot: Hershey, Pennsylvania
Favorite Holiday: Sadie Hawkins Day
Favorite St. Louis hangout: Any Dunkin Donuts

What is your most memorable moment as sportswriter: that one time I was right

How has being a sportswriter impacted other parts of your life? What other parts?

Who do you admire the most in the sports industry? William Perry

Where do you see yourself in ten years? Um... in the mirror?

Do you have any interesting hobbies? I knit toe-jam and belly-button lint sweaters

What advice do you have for kids? Avoid responsibility and accountibility - be a sportswriter!

Where would you most like to visit? The bathroom - how much longer is this going to take?

If you were President of the United States what would you change? tax credits for all Weight Watchers expenses

Who has been your greatest inspiration? Jerry Springer

If you could have dinner with any two people, whom would you choose to dine with (living or deceased)? Mark Twain and the "Time to Make the Donuts" Guy

What lesson did your parents teach you that you will never forget? Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey

What is your nickname? Aveng---um... I mean, the Bernmeister

What would people be surprised to learn about you? I... I... can't read!

If you could trade places with anyone for a day, who would it be? My boss, so I could give myself a raise

Which actor would play you in a movie? The guy who played the Stay-Puffed Marshmellow Man in Ghost Busters

What was your first car? Hot Wheels

If you were stranded on a deserted island, what would you want with you? ketchup

What are you most proud of? I tied my shoes this morning - all by myself!

If you had one wish what would it be? For people to stop calling to me on the street: "Hey, its that fat Scottish guy from the Austin Powers movies!"

What was the worst job you ever had? Summer internship at Thailand escort service

What is one thing that you have never been able to do, but wanted to? See my toes

[.ramfan.]

"What is one thing that you have never been able to do, but wanted to? See my toes"

LOL LOL LOL

[live4ramin]

Smak = Mean = Juvenile = Self serving maybe? = Not funny

[ZigZagRam]

Smak = Mean = Juvenile = Self serving maybe? = Not funny

Lighten up, Francis.

[AvengerRam]

BernieM just called me and asked me to advise those who don't like his posts to simply not read them. He really does not understand why some of you are so bitter and humorless that you are actually offended by his posts.

He then mumbled something about snack time and hung up.

[ramsbruce]

So because some people don't find them funny, they are now bitter and humorless? Pathetic. They aren't funny, but that wasn't my point. My point is you put them in Ram Talk and it's lounge talk at best, and if I hadn't posted about it in this thread 3 times it wouldn't have been moved either.

[AvengerRam]

So because some people don't find them funny, they are now bitter and humorless?

No, I think BernieM's point was that you are bitter and humorless if, merely because you don't find something funny, you feel the need to openly complain about the joke.

Pathetic. They aren't funny, but that wasn't my point.

Eye of the beholder, my friend.

My point is you put them in Ram Talk and it's lounge talk at best, and if I hadn't posted about it in this thread 3 times it wouldn't have been moved either.

Here's some irony for you... I only deleted one of your "stage direction" posts. I guess that means that I wasn't the only one who thought that your commentary didn't belong in this obviously light-hearted thread. That's what PMs are for.

[BernieM]

I don't understand why everyone is acting like my original post was a joke. You're hurting my feelings!

[Bruce=GOAT]

Bernie sounds very interesting and I always look forward to his views.

[RamsFanSam]

I'm still trying to figure out why Bernie has a picture of Sally Struthers for an avatar.

[Bruce=GOAT]

I'm still trying to figure out why Bernie has a picture of Sally Struthers for an avatar.

That's Oprah man cmon!

[Fat Pang]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.................

LOL

[txramsfan]

I like Bernie. He's a good guy.

[BernieM]

I like you too, Tx. A lot. I mean, not in any kind of, you know, bad way... I just like you. You know...

[txramsfan]

That's alright, I'm comfortable with my manhood to the point I can show some love to another male without getting excited about it.

LOL