odd sayings

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

Any other pearls of wisdom from the group?

ramming speed to all

general counsel

I'm from the Ozarks, and my grandparents were born in the 1800's - of course I have a bunch of sayings. Most are not appropriate here. Were I to post the majority of them, I wouldn't last as long as a fart in a whirlwind. Naturally, the remainder of the sayings require a sense of humor drier than a popcorn fart. Therefore, I guess I should just stay cuter than a bug's ear and not say anything else at this time.

You should of seen the looks I got when I showed up with a wheel barrow and a shovel at the "Yard Sale". I only wanted a yard.:x

OK, here's some "G" rated sayings:

That boy's dumber than a box of rocks.

He couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag.

That girl wasn't beaten with the ugly stick - they used the whole ugly forest!

Don't step in anything soft.

Think you are in control? Try ordering someone else's dog around.




I'm sure I'll remember more.

Here's some good stuff:
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

The other night I laid in bed looking up at the stars and I thought to myself,
"Where the heck is the roof?"

i'm planning to retire and live off my savings. what i'll do the second day, i have no idea.

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get

Common sense isn't as common as it used to be

it's like trying to herd cats

whatever floats your boat

couldn't find his *** if he used both hands and a flashlight

who peed in his cheerios?

up the creek without a paddle

I'll give you 3 guesses and the first 2 don't count

There are 10 kinds of people in this world. Those who know binary, and those who don't.

Scientists say that one of every 4 people are mentally ill. Next time you are with 3 of your friends, and they seem normal...

Toad Strangler: a heavy rain.

I can fetch you a few more, but I need to go over yonder, and that's a far piece down the road. I've got to go lay about 45 yards of carpet this afternoon for a friend's parents. They are retired, and after living in the same house for almost 27 years, have to move due to some really dirty deals done by their landlord. (They were buying the house.) Amanda has a place right next door to her place, and we've been remodeling it for them at no charge. So, I'll be back with more country witticisms later....