"Rules For Work" Any contractors of subcontractors out there?

[MauiRam]

Rules for work

1) Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 PM and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2) If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire
how it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me
as often as possible.

3) Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. That way it gives me
a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4) If my arms are full carrying tools and materials, don’t open the door for me. I
need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms
is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

5) If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which one is the priority.
I am psychic.

6) Do your best to keep me working late and on weekends. I adore working and
really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7) If a job I do actually pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out it could
lead to a raise.

8) If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in con-
versations. I was born to be whipped.

9) If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save
them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful
information.

10) Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know
anything. In the construction food chain I am plankton. When you refer to
them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11) Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your
life and send you straight to contractors’ hell.

12) Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know
that someone else is less fortunate. I especially like the story about your
having to pay so much taxes on all the money you made last year.