Why Randy Shops At Wal-Mart

BRM sent me this disturbing chronicle of a visit to Wal-Mart.

Hi everyone! I'm Randy and I am in love with Wal-Mart. They have everything there! My friend, Virgil, is helping me to get on at Wal-Mart as a greeter:

http://watkins.gospelcom.net/walmartgreeter.jpg

Virgil arranged for his CSM to let me try on his Wal-Mart vest if I would felch with him. I don't know what felching is, but I'll do anything to wear the WM colors:

http://i266.photobucket.com/albums/i...dygreetsl2.jpg

Man, it felt good to wear the vest with all of those buttons. After the picture, the CSM took me over to a guided tour of the pet department. He then graciously offered me a gerbil for free. I couldn't decide which color to choose but he informed me that they all end up the same color. Later in the day, I returned to Wal-Mart to shop after conjoining visits to a veterinarian and a proctologist.

I get great things at Wal-Mart to help with hygiene problems that plague me. How many of you perspire out of your ear canals profusely? I found a great product in Health & Beauty that I just slip in each ear and viola! no more auditory wetness! That gentle glide sensation just raises the ruffles of my kilt! The strings make my head seem like a giant piñata – just hang it from any tree!

http://www.pinkapple.com/condomphoto...cented_201.jpg

What? I can't hear you! That's OK, though as I will continue my super terrific Wal-Mart virtual tour. A trip to the temple of the smiley face low prices would not be complete without a trip into hardware. I decided to swing by the entrance to see if Virgil was on duty, but that chick, Doreen, that beat me out at the interview was working. I don't know why they chose her over me!

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...er-flasher.jpg

Forget that ho!

Anyway, I like to keep my back hair looking pristine and smooth when I don't have the hair braided. Although the people at the beach yell out "Dr. Zaius!" and "Wookie go home!", I am confident in my back harriness to flaunt it. I bought the following beaurty aid that was misplaced in Lawn & Garden to comb my posterior locks:

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/...500_AA280_.gif

While in Lawn & Garden, I pick up deodorant:

http://www.healthinajiffy.co.uk/imag...ect-killer.jpg

Do you have trouble with neighbor kids swinging from your nose hair when you nap in the yard? Well, I do! My next trip to Wal-Mart will include the purchase of this nose hair trimmer:


http://www.global-b2b-network.com/di...ge_Trimmer.jpg

Now you know Pimp Daddy BRM likes to bust a move. I get my jams and accessories in the Electronics department

http://i266.photobucket.com/albums/i...dy_boombox.jpg

Sometimes, I get my body waxed and try on a new swimsuit. I get the greatest deal from the clearance rack:

http://i266.photobucket.com/albums/i...t_freak1_1.jpg

If you are like me, you like to wear the bling bling. This dude I know named Ian works in Jewelry after he got fired from “Just Another Hole” after doing some inappropriate piercings.

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/retarded_piercings.jpg

Anyway, Ian gave me this nice ring thing:

http://www.sporkfashion.com/pictures/Ninaki-Rings.jpg

Unfortunately, Ian didn’t pay for them at I got arrested. Ian wigged out and is in a mental institute. The judge sentenced me to walk in front of Wal-Mart with a sign. Stupid Ian ruined my chance at my dream job at Wal-Mart!

http://i266.photobucket.com/albums/i...aRam/stole.jpg

When I get a chance, I hand out ClanRam cards for Dez. Thanks for looking! I'm on my way to Target.

I knew someone was following me and taking pictures, but I thought it was just paparazzi (thinking I was famous, I posed for them of course). Anyway, isn't any wonder AlphaRam loves me?

I'm there for ya, buddy!

I think i found my halloween costume for this year! I was totally stumped until now