Why Randy Shops At Wal-Mart

[AlphaRam]

BRM sent me this disturbing chronicle of a visit to Wal-Mart.

Hi everyone! I'm Randy and I am in love with Wal-Mart. They have everything there! My friend, Virgil, is helping me to get on at Wal-Mart as a greeter:



Virgil arranged for his CSM to let me try on his Wal-Mart vest if I would felch with him. I don't know what felching is, but I'll do anything to wear the WM colors:



Man, it felt good to wear the vest with all of those buttons. After the picture, the CSM took me over to a guided tour of the pet department. He then graciously offered me a gerbil for free. I couldn't decide which color to choose but he informed me that they all end up the same color. Later in the day, I returned to Wal-Mart to shop after conjoining visits to a veterinarian and a proctologist.

I get great things at Wal-Mart to help with hygiene problems that plague me. How many of you perspire out of your ear canals profusely? I found a great product in Health & Beauty that I just slip in each ear and viola! no more auditory wetness! That gentle glide sensation just raises the ruffles of my kilt! The strings make my head seem like a giant piñata – just hang it from any tree!



What? I can't hear you! That's OK, though as I will continue my super terrific Wal-Mart virtual tour. A trip to the temple of the smiley face low prices would not be complete without a trip into hardware. I decided to swing by the entrance to see if Virgil was on duty, but that chick, Doreen, that beat me out at the interview was working. I don't know why they chose her over me!



Forget that ho!

Anyway, I like to keep my back hair looking pristine and smooth when I don't have the hair braided. Although the people at the beach yell out "Dr. Zaius!" and "Wookie go home!", I am confident in my back harriness to flaunt it. I bought the following beaurty aid that was misplaced in Lawn & Garden to comb my posterior locks:



While in Lawn & Garden, I pick up deodorant:



Do you have trouble with neighbor kids swinging from your nose hair when you nap in the yard? Well, I do! My next trip to Wal-Mart will include the purchase of this nose hair trimmer:




Now you know Pimp Daddy BRM likes to bust a move. I get my jams and accessories in the Electronics department



Sometimes, I get my body waxed and try on a new swimsuit. I get the greatest deal from the clearance rack:



If you are like me, you like to wear the bling bling. This dude I know named Ian works in Jewelry after he got fired from “Just Another Hole” after doing some inappropriate piercings.



Anyway, Ian gave me this nice ring thing:



Unfortunately, Ian didn’t pay for them at I got arrested. Ian wigged out and is in a mental institute. The judge sentenced me to walk in front of Wal-Mart with a sign. Stupid Ian ruined my chance at my dream job at Wal-Mart!



When I get a chance, I hand out ClanRam cards for Dez. Thanks for looking! I'm on my way to Target.

[bigredman]

I knew someone was following me and taking pictures, but I thought it was just paparazzi (thinking I was famous, I posed for them of course). Anyway, isn't any wonder AlphaRam loves me?

[AlphaRam]

I'm there for ya, buddy!

[mrdcblue]

I think i found my halloween costume for this year! I was totally stumped until now