Rams Christmas list that won't stop giving
Believe me, I did it out of love, but mostly out of fun....
Now that the Rams are safely out everyone else's path to the playoffs, it might give them a little bit of time to reflect a bit on what they need to make their own game a little better, thus making the team better as a whole. I thought I would make myself personally responsible for collecting that information from each of the suspects, place the document between my grubby little sausage-like fingers - and wad it up as tightly as possible just before pitching it Michael Jordan, nothing but net style into the nearest round-file.
Only an idiot would give ear time to the Rams needs, coming from the Rams. Sorry baby, been down that road - not hearing it this time.
I - instead will speak for all of Ram-Nation as we put together the St. Louis Rams Christmas list. At least this way we can get them the help they need without the rhetoric of having to actually hear them whine and complain anymore.
I thought these things would be appropriate:
Platform shoes for Tye Hill - so he doesn't have to look up everyone's nose anymore and may actually be able to reach incoming passes.
Obedience lessons for Alex Barron - in desperate hope that he can actually be taught to stay until the ball is actually snapped.
Acting lessons for Head Coach Scott Linehan - so that he can finally land that lead role in "Hunch-back of Notre Dame" that he is so physically suited for.
[LIST]A girl-friend for Marc Bulger - so that he might stop putting his hands between Richie Incongnito's legs from behind while while accusing him of not caring.
Extra budget money for the PR dept. - so they can pay people to fill the stadium with "Rams fans" who will actually be contractually obligated to cheer for the Rams and boo the other team.
A bus pass for Leonard Little - to assure every family that mom will make it home for dinner in her own car instead of an ambulance or a hearse.
A blow-up doll with sexy butt-cheeks for Dominique Byrd, so he doesn't have to go to jail for illegal use of the hands.
A defense, an offense and what the hell, why not throw in a special teams unit that doesn't come to work in a short yellow bus and have high-speed passing lanes as part of its down-field features.
You see, there is a way to get better. And sometimes that includes getting further away from the problem. So, what the hell maybe I can just blow off the whole list and use my AOL Blogger money buy a ticket to Cabo. Oh - wait a minute. That would barely pay for a speeding ticket. Sorry about that guys, I was confused. For a minute I thought I was doing three wishes.
Guess I belong in Ram-Nation.