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  • Laughter is the best medicine...

    I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had
    been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was
    only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.

    My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight
    miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was
    near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate.
    Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

    One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check
    the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered
    to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
    She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and
    committed my life to her sister.

    Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
    She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
    I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.



    I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the
    front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

    Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all
    clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are
    very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a
    better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

    And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.
    RnD

    GO RAMS!!

  • #2
    Re: Laughter is the best medicine...

    That's hilarious. Thanks for the laugh.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Laughter is the best medicine...

      I don't often get a good belly laugh, I did on that one .. Thanks for that !!!

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Laughter is the best medicine...

        That was a true LOL, that was hilarious man!
        Always and Forever a fan of the St. Louis Rams

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Laughter is the best medicine...

          Haha! That was a great story!.

          I'll keep that in mind

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Laughter is the best medicine...

            It's a Sunday morning and this elderly couple is at church again, like they are every Sunday. Well while sitting enjoying the sermon the wife leans over to her husband and whispers in his ear. Just wanted to warn you, I just let out an SBD. (Silent but deadly) The Husband leans back towards his wife and whispers you need to turn up your hearing-aid.
            sigpic :ram::helmet:

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Laughter is the best medicine...

              Originally posted by laram0 View Post
              It's a Sunday morning and this elderly couple is at church again, like they are every Sunday. Well while sitting enjoying the sermon the wife leans over to her husband and whispers in his ear. Just wanted to warn you, I just let out an SBD. (Silent but deadly) The Husband leans back towards his wife and whispers you need to turn up your hearing-aid.



              Not so silent but deadly?
              RnD

              GO RAMS!!

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Laughter is the best medicine...

                One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off your behind.

                His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

                The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the heck is this??" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out.

                "April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum in my underwear?"

                She replied with a snicker......

                It's not talcum powder........

                It's 'Miracle Grow'."
                sigpic :ram::helmet:

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Laughter is the best medicine...

                  Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton who had an addictive passion for baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately they always gave her a very embarrassing, and somewhat lively reaction. When it became apparent that she and her boyfriend would marry she thought to herself, ''He is such a sweet and gentle man, but I don't think he'll be able to tolerate my digestive disorders if I continue to eat beans. '' She therefore decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up beans.

                  A year later her car broke down on her way home from work. As they lived in the country, she called her husband and told him she would be a bit late since she would be walking home. On the way, she encountered a small diner from which wafted the tantalizing aroma of baked beans -- it was more than she could stand. Since she still had a fair distance to walk, she felt confident that she could walk off any ill effects from her indulgence by the time she reached home. Therefore she entered the diner, and consumed several orders of baked beans.

                  By the time she arrived home, she was beginnning to regret her decision, however, her husband was excited to see her, exclaming delightedly, ''Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'' He then blindfolded her and led her to a chair at the dining room table. Just as he was about to remove the blindfold the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned, and then went to answer the phone.

                  As the baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her, the pressure was becoming virtually unbearable. As soon as her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity to relieve her discomfort. Shifting her weight to one side, she let one go. Not only was it astonishingly loud, it was also malodorous in the extreme, so she took a napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for several more minutes. When the phone farewells indicated the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with the napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands demurely upon it, smiling contently to herself, she was the picture of innocence when her husband returned. Apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she had peeked and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold and revealed the twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a first Happy Anniversary!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Laughter is the best medicine...

                    Good stuff Maui.
                    sigpicMaybe not now, but soon.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Laughter is the best medicine...

                      It's getting ugly

                      This morning , from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States and Canada that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America's and Canada's supply of convenience store managers. If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell and Sprint customer service reps.

                      It's getting ugly!
                      sigpic :ram::helmet:

                      Comment

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                      • MOM
                        The Potato Heads-- More Humor
                        by MOM
                        THE POTATO HEADS


                        Well, Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other. Finally they
                        got married and had a little sweet potato they called "Yam." Of course,
                        they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they told her about the
                        facts of life.

                        They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't
                        get accidentally mashed and get a bad name for herself like "Hot Potato"
                        and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots. Yam said not to worry, no Spud
                        would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

                        But on the other hand, she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato
                        either. She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her
                        Shoestring cousins.

                        When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out
                        for the hard boiled guys from Ireland. And the greasy guys from France
                        called the French Fries.

                        And, when she went out West, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't
                        get scalloped. Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and
                        wouldn't associate with those high-class Yukon Golds or the ones from the
                        other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that
                        say, "Frito Lay."

                        Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so
                        when she graduated she'd really be in the chips. But in spite of all
                        they did for her, one day Yam came home and announced
                        she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

                        Tom Brokaw! Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she
                        couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's


                        just........................





                        Are you ready for this?.............................





                        Are you sure? ............................






                        OK! Here it is! ...............................






                        A COMMON TATER !!
                        -05-28-2005, 12:05 AM
                      • mxbrian
                        Perspecitve....
                        by mxbrian
                        Lest we forget what is truly unique about this team. Here is part of it...

                        In a supermarket, Kurtis the stock boy, was busily
                        working when a new voice came over the intercom
                        asking for a carry-out at check register 4.


                        Kurtis was almost finished, and wanted to get some
                        fresh air, and decided to answer the call. As he
                        approached the check-out stand a distant smile
                        caught his eye, the new check-out girl was beautiful.
                        She was an older woman (maybe 26, and he was
                        only 22) and he fell in love.


                        Later that day, after his shift was over, he waited
                        by the punch clock to find out her name. She came
                        into the break room, smiled softly at him and
                        took her time card and punched out, then left. He
                        looked at her card and saw her name was Brenda.


                        Next day, he waited outside as she left the
                        supermarket, and offered her a ride home. He
                        looked harmless enough, and she accepted. When
                        he dropped her off, he asked if maybe he could see
                        her again, outside of work. She simply said it
                        wasn't possible. He pressed and she explained
                        she had two children and she couldn't afford a
                        baby-sitter, so he offered to pay for the baby-sitter.
                        Reluctantly she accepted his offer for a date the
                        following Saturday.


                        That Saturday night he arrived at her door only
                        to have her tell him that she was unable to go
                        with him. The baby-sitter had called and canceled.
                        To which Kurtis simply said, "Well, let's take
                        the kids with us."


                        She tried to explain that taking the children
                        was not an option, but again not taking no for
                        an answer, he pressed. Finally Brenda, brought
                        him inside to meet her children. She had an older
                        daughter who was just cute as a bug, Kurtis thought,
                        then Brenda brought out her son in a wheelchair.
                        He was born a paraplegic with down syndrome.
                        Kurtis asked Brenda, "I still don't understand why
                        can't the kids come with us?"


                        Brenda was amazed. Most men would run
                        away from a woman with two kids, especially if
                        one had disabilities, just like her first husband and
                        the father of her children had done.


                        That evening Kurtis and Brenda loaded up
                        the kids, went to dinner and the movies. When her
                        son needed anything Kurtis took care of him.


                        When he needed to use the rest room, he
                        picked him up out of his chair, took him, and
                        brought him back. The kids loved Kurtis. At the
                        end of the evening, Brenda knew this was the man
                        she was going to marry and spend the rest of her
                        life with. A year later, they were married and Kurtis
                        adopted both of her children and since then...
                        -02-04-2002, 09:19 AM
                      • MOM
                        I never gave her permission....
                        by MOM
                        ....to grow up. Little baby SamiRam starts Kindergarten at 8:00 tomorrow morning. I just KNOW I will be the blubbering idiot when we drop her off. Does that make me horrible?
                        -08-24-2005, 07:37 PM
                      • txramsfan
                        Feeling down? Read this.....from PB, MO
                        by txramsfan
                        http://www.darnews.com/articles/2005/05/24/news/news1.txt


                        PBHS grad shocked to see mom there: A walk to remember


                        PBHS graduate Eric Scott poses for a picture with his mother, Sandra, who has Multiple Sclerosis. Scott had no idea his mother would be attending the 2005 graduation ceremony Thursday. (DAR/Paul Davis)
                        By JACKIE HARDER ~ Staff Writer
                        All those years Eric Scott wore a Poplar Bluff Mules uniform, whether it was football, wrestling or track - his biggest fan was never in the stands to cheer him on.

                        Eric's mother, Sandra, never attended any honor assemblies or awards banquets. She never came to any of Eric's JROTC competitions. She didn't get to see her only son make the grand march at senior prom.

                        For the most part, Sandra has missed all the "big events" in her son's life. She was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis about the same time she became pregnant. Over the past 18 years, her disease has progressed to the point where she has been bed-bound for years. She must have an ambulance bed in order to be transported, as well as be accompanied by a medical aide or her husband, Keith.

                        Though Eric often brought home video tapes for his mom to watch, Sandra would have given anything to have been there in person. As his high school graduation approached, Eric had no reason to think this event would be different.

                        But thanks to the thoughtfulness of friends and the kindness of strangers, Sandra was given the opportunity to attend Eric's graduation last Thursday at the Black River Coliseum.

                        "I had no idea she would be there until I walked in the door. It was awesome," Eric said. "It's hard to explain in words what that meant. It was amazing."

                        Sandra, too, has a difficult time putting her feelings into words, mainly due to her loss of motor skills. Even so, her emotions are written all over her face.

                        "It meant the world to me," she said. "I am so proud of him."

                        She has every reason to be proud. Eric earned a full-ride, four-year JROTC scholarship to attend Arkansas State University this fall. He has eight varsity letters and graduated with a college prepatory certificate. Sandra and Keith Scott's walls are covered with Eric's awards and honors, dating back to his days on Little League baseball teams.

                        "But I don't think we could have been prouder than we were at graduation. We are so thankful she got to go," Keith said, smiling at his wife. "I know it meant the world to her. Eric will only graduate from high school one time ..."

                        "And I got to see it," Sandra said, finishing her husband's thoughts.

                        The idea of bringing Sandra to the PBHS Class of 2005 graduation ceremony was that of Patty Boyers. Boyers became acquainted with the Scott family a few years...
                        -05-24-2005, 02:58 PM
                      • RamsFan16
                        Dixon mourned by 1,200 at funeral
                        by RamsFan16
                        Dixon mourned by 1,200 at funeral
                        Associated Press

                        LOS ANGELES -- Basketball coach Maggie Dixon, who suddenly died last week at 28 after leading Army's women's team to its first NCAA Tournament berth, was mourned Tuesday by her cadet squad, former teammates and brother, Pittsburgh men's coach Jamie Dixon.

                        "She made reality out of our once-intangible dreams," Army forward Ashley Magnani told 1,200 mourners attending the funeral at St. Charles Borromeo Roman Catholic Church in her childhood parish.


                        AP Photo
                        Pitt men's basketball coach Jamie Dixon kisses the coffin of his sister Maggie on Tuesday.

                        "Coach Dixon, our angel, we promise to make you proud," Magnani added.

                        Dixon died in New York on April 6 after suffering heart arrhythmia.

                        The 1999 University of San Diego graduate had only been at West Point since October, inheriting a team that struggled initially but won nine of its last 11 games and got to the tournament, where it lost in the first round.

                        She had previously been a top assistant to DePaul coach Doug Bruno after her WNBA dreams ended when she was cut by the Los Angeles Sparks after a May 2000 tryout.

                        Her brother Jamie, who had encouraged her to go into coaching, told mourners that he and his sister used to talk every day and she gave him inspiration.

                        "She saw the good in everyone. She made everyone around her a better person. She made me a better person. I've said this before -- when I grow up I want to be just like her," Jamie Dixon said.

                        Msgr. Robert Gallagher began the service by blessing the casket.

                        "Our sister has been called back to the Lord now, for some mysterious reason," he said and noted he came to the parish in 1977, only two months after Dixon was baptized, and watched her grow from "a scrawny little kid."

                        Citing a New Testament passage in which Jesus says, "In my father's house, there are many dwelling places," Gallagher added, "I'm not sure how many basketball courts. But you know, Maggie would take any room that the Lord would prepare for her."

                        A picture of Dixon's Army team was placed just below the altar.

                        "She reached every one of their souls," said Army athletic director Kevin Anderson.

                        Anderson said the last time he talked to her he was concerned she would be hired away and she promised she would not leave -- but she did.

                        "I was very mad last week. However, I had to consider who hired her," he said.

                        Acquaintances also described Dixon's life beyond basketball, including a passion for cooking and travel.

                        "She was splendid at loving life and passionately sharing it with all of us," said DePaul athletic director Jean Lenti Ponsetto.
                        ...
                        -04-17-2006, 02:14 AM
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