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"Rules For Work" Any contractors of subcontractors out there?

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  • "Rules For Work" Any contractors of subcontractors out there?

    Rules for work

    1) Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 PM and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

    2) If itís really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire
    how itís going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me
    as often as possible.

    3) Always leave without telling anyone where youíre going. That way it gives me
    a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

    4) If my arms are full carrying tools and materials, donít open the door for me. I
    need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms
    is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

    5) If you give me more than one job to do, donít tell me which one is the priority.
    I am psychic.

    6) Do your best to keep me working late and on weekends. I adore working and
    really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

    7) If a job I do actually pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out it could
    lead to a raise.

    8) If you donít like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in con-
    versations. I was born to be whipped.

    9) If you have special instructions for a job, donít write them down. In fact, save
    them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful
    information.

    10) Never introduce me to the people youíre with. I have no right to know
    anything. In the construction food chain I am plankton. When you refer to
    them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

    11) Be nice to me only when the job Iím doing for you could really change your
    life and send you straight to contractorsí hell.

    12) Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and itís nice to know
    that someone else is less fortunate. I especially like the story about your
    having to pay so much taxes on all the money you made last year.

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  • Guest's Avatar
    lol must read this
    by Guest
    I got this from the cards M-board


    Random thoughts from people 25-35 years old.

    -I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

    -More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
    think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
    my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

    -Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
    realize you're wrong.

    -Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
    going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
    be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction
    from which you came, you have to first do something like check your
    watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to
    ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by
    randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

    -That's enough, Nickelback.

    -I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

    -Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
    feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose
    not to be friends with?

    -Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
    work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
    fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all
    know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards
    or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

    -Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
    suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

    -I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
    becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting
    90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's
    laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit
    harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one
    who really, really gets it.

    -How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

    -I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
    take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

    - I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
    your computer history if you die.

    -The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

    - A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the
    spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

    - LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

    -...
    -09-04-2009, 10:19 PM
  • AvengerRam_old
    5 Innovations I Just Don't Get
    by AvengerRam_old
    As I approach the end of my fourth decade on this planet, I marvel at the many innovations that make daily life easier, more productive, more informative and more entertaining. That said, there are a few things that the youngsters spend their time and money on that I simply do not get:

    1. Ringtones
    I know, I know. Its uber-cool to have your phone play the theme from Aqua Teen Hunger Force when it rings, but is that really worth the $10 you spent to download it? Come on, its just a noise to let you know someone is calling you.

    2. Text Messaging
    What is the fascination of typing little messages on a 2 x 2 cm keyboard? Wouldn't it be easier just to call? Or, dare I say, just to wait until you see your friend the next day?

    3. The MP3 Player as an exclusive music listening device
    The whole music downloading trend, planned or not, has played out like a drug dealer's strategy. First, everything was free. Then, people got hooked. Finally, the price was jacked up (as an aside, I still don't get how that Napster guy's not in jail). MP3 players are great. I have one myself. But I don't see how it replaces actually buying albums. Sure, you can download an entire album, but most don't. Most download song by song. In doing so, you miss out on the great non-single tracks. I just hope that the MP3 age doesn't kill the great B-sides.

    4. The In-Car/Van/SUV DVD Player
    Though my kids would love one, my wife and I have resisted the temptation to buy a car with a DVD player. Kids should look out the window every once in a while. They might actually see something interesting. What's worse is the number of times I've seen someone driving alone with the DVD player on. What are they doing? Listening to a movie? Watching at red lights? Not watching the road at all?

    5. In-Dash GPS Devices/On-Star
    Whatever happened to looking at a map? Or, dare I say, just knowing where you are going? The worst of these are the ones that talk. And what about On-Star? Isn't the notion of a faceless company having the ability to monitor every move you make, unlock your door remotely and dispatch the police, fire department or EMTs to your vehicle sound just a little too Big Brother-ish?

    And so, before I drive off on a route that I, and only I know, while listening to a CD player, with my phone that rings with the tone it came with, let me leave you with this thought...

    When invention becomes the mother of your necessity, you need a hobby.
    -02-18-2007, 12:43 PM
  • Shadesofgrey
    Alright damnit....
    by Shadesofgrey
    Who's on a diet(other than me) and who should be? :frown:

    Here's basically what I am doing(I've done it before and it works..PIA, but it works)

    "Simply put, if you want to lose fat mass, you have to burn more calories than you consume daily; a caloric deficit is in order. If you fail to do this, your progress will be close to nonexistent. But how much of a caloric deficit are we talking here? Well, since most people's maintenance calorie intake (the intake at which you neither gain nor lose weight) can be calculated by multiplying their lean body mass (LBM; your lean body mass is your total weight minus your fat weight) by 15, a good place to start when dieting is 12 x LBM. This will allow you to lose approximately 1.5-2 lbs weekly without sacrificing your hard earned muscle mass. If you aren't in the 1.5-2 lb range, then adjust your caloric intake accordingly (i.e. decreasing it if you aren't losing weight fast enough or increase it if you are losing weight too rapidly)"
    -06-12-2005, 05:47 PM
  • RamDez
    A Parable on "Home Security"
    by RamDez
    by Barry Waller

    Let's say you like to eat on your patio, but always get bothered by some bees. You try to ignore them, even though you hate them, and smash the ones you can that land on the patio, and maybe even spray the ones in your yard with poison.

    Then, one day, a dozen bees are in the yard, and your little girl gets stung, and she is alergic to bee stings and dies. You realize that the danger is greater than you thought, so you start a posse to go looking for the source of the bees. You are about to give up, because you can't find their hive, then remember this guy a few miles away that keeps bees, a guy you don't like, and a guy who has had some local problems from next door neighbors who are freaked out at having all those bees so close.

    The keeper assures you that his bees do not stray far from his hives, so they couldn't be the ones bugging him and stinging his kid. He explains how this group of bees are not big enough swarms to range very far, as they would leave their home unprotected, and also explains that the bees you describe, are not even the same breed as his.

    That doesn't matter though, because you are still pissed off and in the mood for revenge, full of the feeling that you at least tried to do something so it would, never, ever happen again. Besides, a bee is a bee, right, and they all have stingers, and a history of using them on humans.

    So you pick up a long stick and start whacking the hives, and spraying as many of the swarm that emerge, though you know thousands will escape the demolished hives, and head out to look for a new place to live, in a highly agitated state at the loss of their homes, and their brothers and sisters.

    Some of the bees even sting the beekeeper and his family, as well as his neighbors as they flee in panic. A few people are injured and suffer reactions themselves from the bee stings, or the poison spray that also kills a few birds and beneficial insects before it dissipates into the atmosphere, later returning as poisoned rain to do some further damage.

    The hives are destroyed, so the bee keeper has no living, and also, no one can get any honey, causing the local price to skyrocket, because everyone there loves honey, and can't do without it. When you get back home, you discover that a pipe burst in the bathroom and caused a few thousand dollars worth of damage while you were busy chasing bees. You also find that your friends are really upset at you for causing the honey prices to go up, as well as for the people they knew nearby who had gotten stung, when they hadn't had trouble from bees before. You don't even mind that, because now THEY also know the danger that bees can cause.

    Later, you find that there was a small hive of wild bees under the deck all the time, but by the time you do, those bees are long gone or dead. You don't dare ever tell anyone about that, and even say...
    -09-15-2004, 11:14 AM
  • RamFan_Til_I_Die
    Important Doctor Advice
    by RamFan_Til_I_Die
    I Love this DOCTOR!!!!

    HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

    Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise . Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------




    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------




    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------




    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

    A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------



    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------



    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

    A: You're not listening.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------



    Q: Is chocolate bad for...
    -04-19-2007, 01:09 PM
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