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  • lol must read this

    I got this from the cards M-board

    Random thoughts from people 25-35 years old.

    -I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

    -More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
    think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
    my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

    -Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
    realize you're wrong.

    -Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
    going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
    be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction
    from which you came, you have to first do something like check your
    watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to
    ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by
    randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

    -That's enough, Nickelback.

    -I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

    -Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
    feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose
    not to be friends with?

    -Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
    work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
    fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all
    know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards
    or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

    -Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
    suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

    -I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
    becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting
    90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's
    laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit
    harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one
    who really, really gets it.

    -How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

    -I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
    take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

    - I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
    your computer history if you die.

    -The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

    - A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the
    spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

    - LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

    - I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

    - Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
    test is absolutely petrifying.

    - Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart",
    all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

    - How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
    and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

    - I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
    to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

    - Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
    examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete *****.
    Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes
    that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

    -What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

    - While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
    instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

    - MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
    know how to get out of my neighborhood.

    - Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
    person died.

    - I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
    shower first and THEN turn on the water on.

    -Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
    and you can wear them forever.

    - I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to
    be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an
    overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

    -I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

    - Bad decisions make good stories

    -Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
    profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
    the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

    - Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

    -If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring
    would probably just be completely invisible.

    -Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
    around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
    nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be
    a problem....

    -You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
    when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
    productive for the rest of the day.

    -Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
    want to have to restart my collection

    -There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
    going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

    -I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
    if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I
    swear I did not make any changes to.

    - "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

    -I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people
    watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will
    they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't
    watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and
    leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

    -I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
    Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
    goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone
    and run away?

    - I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
    seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

    -When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
    hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light
    internet stalking.

    -I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
    then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

    -Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising
    speed for pedophiles...

    - As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
    but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

    -Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
    not know what time it is.

    -It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

    -I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
    answer when they call.

    -Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

    -Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
    keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the
    Donkey - but I'd bet my *** everyone can find and push the Snooze
    button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time
    every time...

    -My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would
    happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

    -It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on<> and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

    -I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
    drive behind obeys the speed limit.

    -I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

    -I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
    Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

    -The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
    they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,
    someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think
    about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people
    eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by
    myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat *******
    before dinner.

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    As I approach the end of my fourth decade on this planet, I marvel at the many innovations that make daily life easier, more productive, more informative and more entertaining. That said, there are a few things that the youngsters spend their time and money on that I simply do not get:

    1. Ringtones
    I know, I know. Its uber-cool to have your phone play the theme from Aqua Teen Hunger Force when it rings, but is that really worth the $10 you spent to download it? Come on, its just a noise to let you know someone is calling you.

    2. Text Messaging
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    3. The MP3 Player as an exclusive music listening device
    The whole music downloading trend, planned or not, has played out like a drug dealer's strategy. First, everything was free. Then, people got hooked. Finally, the price was jacked up (as an aside, I still don't get how that Napster guy's not in jail). MP3 players are great. I have one myself. But I don't see how it replaces actually buying albums. Sure, you can download an entire album, but most don't. Most download song by song. In doing so, you miss out on the great non-single tracks. I just hope that the MP3 age doesn't kill the great B-sides.

    4. The In-Car/Van/SUV DVD Player
    Though my kids would love one, my wife and I have resisted the temptation to buy a car with a DVD player. Kids should look out the window every once in a while. They might actually see something interesting. What's worse is the number of times I've seen someone driving alone with the DVD player on. What are they doing? Listening to a movie? Watching at red lights? Not watching the road at all?

    5. In-Dash GPS Devices/On-Star
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    And so, before I drive off on a route that I, and only I know, while listening to a CD player, with my phone that rings with the tone it came with, let me leave you with this thought...

    When invention becomes the mother of your necessity, you need a hobby.
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    "My face was puffy, my arms were so bulky I couldn't touch my shoulders. You could take one look at me and know I was on something.

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    I have gotten a couple of these emails regarding this topic. I just wanted to put this out there for the parents that have not heard of this before. I know whip-its(sp?) were big back when I was a kid. It looks like there are more options now.


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    Both bagging and huffing can, and have, proved fatal. Sudden death can result on the first try, making one's first time seeking this particular kick also one's last. That first time's being a killer isn't an exaggeration, either: 22% of all inhalant-abuse deaths occur among users who had not previously bagged or huffed. Suffocation, dangerous behavior, and aspiration account for 45% of inhalant abuse fatalities, with "sudden sniffing death" (fatal cardiac arrhythmia) causing the remaining 55%. Suffocation usually takes its toll through the victim's slipping into unconsciousness then dying of a lack of oxygen, but it can also happen through airway obstruction brought about through swelling caused by spraying certain agents into the mouth. Dangerous behavior-related deaths are those in which inhalant abuse cause the deceased to engage in risk-laden activities that bring about his demise: he drowns, jumps or falls from a high place, dies of exposure or hypothermia, is in (or on) a vehicle that he loses control of at high speed, or accidentally sets himself on fire (most inhalants are flammable). Death through aspiration of vomited materials comes about through an unconscious victim's protective airway reflexes being depressed by the chemicals involved. "Sudden sniffing death" is a simple way of saying the hydrocarbons being...
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  • general counsel
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    1) Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 PM and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

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