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  • lol must read this

    I got this from the cards M-board


    Random thoughts from people 25-35 years old.

    -I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

    -More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
    think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
    my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

    -Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
    realize you're wrong.

    -Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
    going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
    be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction
    from which you came, you have to first do something like check your
    watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to
    ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by
    randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

    -That's enough, Nickelback.

    -I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

    -Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
    feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose
    not to be friends with?

    -Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
    work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
    fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all
    know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards
    or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

    -Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
    suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

    -I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
    becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting
    90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's
    laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit
    harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one
    who really, really gets it.

    -How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

    -I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
    take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

    - I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
    your computer history if you die.

    -The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

    - A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the
    spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

    - LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

    - I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

    - Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
    test is absolutely petrifying.

    - Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart",
    all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

    - How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
    and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

    - I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
    to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

    - Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
    examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete *****.
    Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes
    that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

    -What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

    - While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
    instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

    - MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
    know how to get out of my neighborhood.

    - Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
    person died.

    - I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
    shower first and THEN turn on the water on.

    -Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
    and you can wear them forever.

    - I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to
    be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an
    overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

    -I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

    - Bad decisions make good stories

    -Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
    profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
    the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

    - Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

    -If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring
    would probably just be completely invisible.

    -Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
    around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
    nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be
    a problem....

    -You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
    when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
    productive for the rest of the day.

    -Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
    want to have to restart my collection

    -There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
    going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

    -I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
    if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I
    swear I did not make any changes to.

    - "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

    -I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people
    watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will
    they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't
    watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and
    leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

    -I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
    Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
    goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone
    and run away?

    - I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
    seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

    -When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
    hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light
    internet stalking.

    -I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
    then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

    -Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising
    speed for pedophiles...

    - As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
    but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

    -Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
    not know what time it is.

    -It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

    -I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
    answer when they call.

    -Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

    -Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
    keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the
    Donkey - but I'd bet my *** everyone can find and push the Snooze
    button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time
    every time...

    -My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would
    happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

    -It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on
    CNN.com<http://cnn.com/> and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

    -I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
    drive behind obeys the speed limit.

    -I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

    -I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
    Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

    -The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
    they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,
    someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think
    about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people
    eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by
    myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat *******
    before dinner.

Related Topics

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  • AvengerRam_old
    5 Innovations I Just Don't Get
    by AvengerRam_old
    As I approach the end of my fourth decade on this planet, I marvel at the many innovations that make daily life easier, more productive, more informative and more entertaining. That said, there are a few things that the youngsters spend their time and money on that I simply do not get:

    1. Ringtones
    I know, I know. Its uber-cool to have your phone play the theme from Aqua Teen Hunger Force when it rings, but is that really worth the $10 you spent to download it? Come on, its just a noise to let you know someone is calling you.

    2. Text Messaging
    What is the fascination of typing little messages on a 2 x 2 cm keyboard? Wouldn't it be easier just to call? Or, dare I say, just to wait until you see your friend the next day?

    3. The MP3 Player as an exclusive music listening device
    The whole music downloading trend, planned or not, has played out like a drug dealer's strategy. First, everything was free. Then, people got hooked. Finally, the price was jacked up (as an aside, I still don't get how that Napster guy's not in jail). MP3 players are great. I have one myself. But I don't see how it replaces actually buying albums. Sure, you can download an entire album, but most don't. Most download song by song. In doing so, you miss out on the great non-single tracks. I just hope that the MP3 age doesn't kill the great B-sides.

    4. The In-Car/Van/SUV DVD Player
    Though my kids would love one, my wife and I have resisted the temptation to buy a car with a DVD player. Kids should look out the window every once in a while. They might actually see something interesting. What's worse is the number of times I've seen someone driving alone with the DVD player on. What are they doing? Listening to a movie? Watching at red lights? Not watching the road at all?

    5. In-Dash GPS Devices/On-Star
    Whatever happened to looking at a map? Or, dare I say, just knowing where you are going? The worst of these are the ones that talk. And what about On-Star? Isn't the notion of a faceless company having the ability to monitor every move you make, unlock your door remotely and dispatch the police, fire department or EMTs to your vehicle sound just a little too Big Brother-ish?

    And so, before I drive off on a route that I, and only I know, while listening to a CD player, with my phone that rings with the tone it came with, let me leave you with this thought...

    When invention becomes the mother of your necessity, you need a hobby.
    -02-18-2007, 12:43 PM
  • Bruce=GOAT
    Hulk Hogan: I thank God I'm alive
    by Bruce=GOAT
    http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2...351002,00.html


    WWE wrestling news The LilsBoys' Over The Top Rope


    EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW
    Hogan: I thank God I'm alive

    By SIMON ROTHSTEIN of THE LILSBOYS
    August 04, 2007


    WRESTLING legend Hulk Hogan has lashed out at the industry which made him a megastar.

    And he has demanded an end to the decades-long cover-up of steroid abuse in the sport.

    Hogan, 54, took the muscle-enhancing drugs almost daily for 16 years during his career and says he can spot a user a mile off.

    With more than 100 grapplers dying before the age of 50 in the last decade, he is begging others to face up to the crisis.

    The Sun has been leading an anti-steroid abuse campaign since wrestler Chris Benoit murdered his wife and seven-year-old son before committing suicide in June.

    A handful of former stars have already spoken out and prompted US politicians to start investigating the industry.

    But many in the WWE, the world's biggest fight franchise, deny there is a problem and have blasted their ex-colleagues as bitter failures who haven't wrestled in years.

    They cannot same the same about Hogan, wrestling's equivalent of Pele or Muhammad Ali who was fighting for them just 12 months ago.

    In an exclusive Sun interview, he said: "Are steroids a problem in wrestling? Oh God yeah. They have always been a part of the business. It's prevalent.

    "But there's not some big mystery to it. Just open your eyes and it's there. You can look at a wrestler and pretty much tell.

    "They will be above their weight range, with these big veins. My body weight is around 285lb, depending on how much junk I eat. Even if I was 25 and clean, I could probably only carry 300lb.

    "Yet when I was wrestling I weighed anywhere between 320 and 340lb, because my body was full of water weight.

    "My face was puffy, my arms were so bulky I couldn't touch my shoulders. You could take one look at me and know I was on something.

    "Steroids have been around for ever in other sports too, but if we have to pick on somebody now then let's pick on wrestling.

    "I'm glad the business is in the spotlight because they're probably the only ones smart enough, after being able to dodge it for so long, to know how to fix it."


    The Hulkster added: "I remember up until the early 1990s any wrestler could walk into a doctor and they'd write you a prescription for steroids.

    "Then there was a huge trial where WWE boss Vince McMahon was unfairly accused and rightly acquitted of distributing the drugs to his workers.

    "This ushered in the era of wrestlers playing 'hide and seek'.
    ...
    -08-05-2007, 02:28 AM
  • UtterBlitz
    Something to watch for - parents please read
    by UtterBlitz
    I have gotten a couple of these emails regarding this topic. I just wanted to put this out there for the parents that have not heard of this before. I know whip-its(sp?) were big back when I was a kid. It looks like there are more options now.

    Blitz

    Falcon, the maker of Dust-Off, is aware its product is abused in this fashion. It has posted information about inhalant abuse on its web site, and cans of Dust Off bear a label cautioning users against misuse of the product and carry this warning in large red block letters: "Inhalant abuse is illegal and can cause permanent injury or be fatal. Please use our product responsibly."

    Yet while it might be tempting to regard this threat as one limited to Dust-Off (and therefore as a danger that can be averted by banning a specific product from the home), the truth is a great number of teens and pre-teens routinely attempt to get high by abusing inhalants and solvents found in common household products. Dust-Off is just one of a thousand or more products that can abruptly end the life of someone foolishly looking for an inhalant high. The list of items that can be turned to this purpose is almost endless and includes such innocuous-looking goods as hair spray and aerosol whipped cream. Depending on how the intoxicant is taken in, the process is referred to as 'bagging' or 'huffing' ? bagging requires the substance be contained in a plastic or paper bag which the thrill-seeker then breathes from, while huffing involves either breathing directly from an aerosol or through a cloth soaked in solvent.

    Both bagging and huffing can, and have, proved fatal. Sudden death can result on the first try, making one's first time seeking this particular kick also one's last. That first time's being a killer isn't an exaggeration, either: 22% of all inhalant-abuse deaths occur among users who had not previously bagged or huffed. Suffocation, dangerous behavior, and aspiration account for 45% of inhalant abuse fatalities, with "sudden sniffing death" (fatal cardiac arrhythmia) causing the remaining 55%. Suffocation usually takes its toll through the victim's slipping into unconsciousness then dying of a lack of oxygen, but it can also happen through airway obstruction brought about through swelling caused by spraying certain agents into the mouth. Dangerous behavior-related deaths are those in which inhalant abuse cause the deceased to engage in risk-laden activities that bring about his demise: he drowns, jumps or falls from a high place, dies of exposure or hypothermia, is in (or on) a vehicle that he loses control of at high speed, or accidentally sets himself on fire (most inhalants are flammable). Death through aspiration of vomited materials comes about through an unconscious victim's protective airway reflexes being depressed by the chemicals involved. "Sudden sniffing death" is a simple way of saying the hydrocarbons being...
    -09-15-2005, 08:28 PM
  • general counsel
    Sam Shields article in The Players Tribune
    by general counsel
    Someone please find the article by Sam Shields today in The Players Tribune online and post it to this site. It is one of the most inspirational, emotional and moving articles i have ever read. Shields describes his battles with concussions and his road back to the NFL in a way that is extremely moving and real. I am now a GINORMOUS Sam Shields fan.

    Ramming speed to all

    general counsel
    -10-26-2018, 01:37 PM
  • AvengerRam_old
    My rant on... cell phones!
    by AvengerRam_old
    Let's start with some context. I do have a cell phone. I have had one for years. It is a useful tool both for my work and for keeping in touch with my wife when I'm out and about.

    But... I don't carry it around. It generally stays in my car (I remember when they actually called them "car phones"). I have a camera on my phone, but only because when I bought my current phone, there were none available without a camera! I've never purchasd a ring tone, I don't have MP3s stored on my phone, I don't text message, and I don't have any video games on my phone.

    My question is... how did the cell phone industry explode into the monster it is today?

    Its not just all the needless, pointless accessories and add-ons. Its the way people use their phones. I see people at restaurants and coffee shops sitting with a their friends - and they're all talking on cell phones (I assume they're not talking to each other, as that would be really scary). Not just teens and 20somethings, either. Its the "soccer moms," the middle-aged men and even some retirees!

    Have people become so frightened of being alone with their own thoughts for five minutes that they now need constant contact with someone to discuss whatever inane thoughts might come to their mind? (That's what internet message boards are for, after all, right? )

    The way I see it, the following are signs that you are overdoing it with your cell phone:

    1. Have you ever had a cell phone conversation while doing your business in a public restroom? (give yourself bonus points if your answer is "yes" and you don't have a hands-free system.)

    2. Do people often mistake you for someone suffering from dual personality disorder as a result of your talking on Bluetooth wireless while walking around in public?

    3. If you add up the amount of money you've spent on ringtones, wallpapers and other downloads for your phone in the last year, is it enough to pay a month of rent or a mortgage payment?

    4. Are you offended by this thread?
    -03-14-2006, 07:49 AM
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