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Why is this the worst mock you will ever see? Well because I took all the prospects, put their names in a hat, and pulled them out. That's right, I just thought it would be fun. I used Av's draft board since I don't have one of my own, and since ranking doesn't matter, just a general list of the top prospects was all I needed. Also, I only used 36 cause that's all that fit on one page and I didn't feel like doing any more cutting. (I put a LOT of work into this, right?)
So now that I have shared my scientific method of player selection, on to the draft!
1. St. Louis Rams - Golden Tate, WR
WTF!? This is a horrible pick, Tate #1, you gotta be kidding me!? Fire Devaney and Spags now. I mean I know WR is a need, but we could have waited.
2. Detroit Lions - Carlos Dunlap, DE
Geez, well I guess the Lions get help on the D-line, but they continue to suck from poor drafting, just like us.
3. Tampa Bay Bucs - Brandon Graham, DE
Oh man, I guess everyone's draft boards were way wrong about who the top D-linemen were. Kudos to the teams for the best smoke screens ever!
4. Washington Redskins - Mike Iupati, OG
Strangely enough so far the teams ARE addressing needs, they just are doing it with players who weren't expected to go this high.
5. Kansas City Chiefs - Everson Griffen, DE
Alright, well, this one doesn't make a lot of sense, and KC fans are pissed about adding another d-linemen when their team as a whole sucks.
6. Seattle Seahawks - Jared Odrick, DT
Not a lot of sense to this one either, not with the top players still on the board. Teams are smoking something
7. Cleveland Browns - Jimmy Clausen, QB
Wow, that one is strange, they actually grab a QB which they are said to be targetting, and one of the top QBs! Except didn't Holmgren say he wasn't in love with Clausen? And isn't Bradford still on the board? Ah well, more smoke screens
8. Oakland Raiders - Demaryius Thomas, WR
Let's be honest, the only way anyone would be surprised by this pick is if it had made sense, but since it doesn't, no surprise.
9. Buffalo Bills - Sergio Kindle, OLB/DE
Eh, could do worse I suppose, but could do better, a lot better
10. Jacksonville Jaguars - Gerald McCoy, DT
Finally a big name comes off the board, guess no one likes Suh or Bradford much afterall. And after all that bickering too, we were all wrong.
11. Denver Broncos - Brian Price, DT
Really?
12. Miami Dolphins - Devin McCourty, CB
Really really?
13. They who shall not be named - Ryan Matthews, RB
Well they did want a RB to share the duties with Gore, and by all accounts he is a good one. Plus I heard C.J. Spiller kicks puppies, can't have that.
14. Seattle Seahawks - Jermaine Gresham, TE
A little high, but hey, hes a good TE, now if only they had a QB to throw to him
15. NY Giants - Earl Thomas, S
I can't argue the value, but I have to question whether S should have come before other positions, and with Berry still on the board.
16. Tennessee Titans - Joe Haden, CB
I am getting tired of making comments
17. Whiners - Eric Berry, S
****
18. Pittsburgh Steelers - Trent Williams, OT
The Steelers need to upgrade their line to protect their unsuspended QB's. Have to protect their investment!
19. Atlanta Falcons - C.J. Spiller, RB
blah blah blah, Atlanta Sucks, etc. etc.
20. Houston Texans - Russell Okung, OT
The media thinks the Texans made a good selection with great value, until the Texans announce he will be the place-kicker.
21. Cincinnati Bengals - Derrick Morgan, DE
His high potential gets crushed by being on the Bungles
22. New England Patriots - Dez Bryant, WR
Wow, it actually makes sense, even though Bryant still being there doesn't.
23. Green Bay Packers - Jahvid Best, RB
Too high, but what do I know? Not much apparently.
24. Philly Eagles - Vladimire Ducasse
Seriously, they just selected him for his name, it doesn't even matter what position he plays
25. Baltimore Ravens - Anthony Davis, OT
Probably makes sense, tired of commenting again.
26. Arizona Cardinals - Kyle Wilson, CB
Who cares? The Cardinals will soon realize they are supposed to suck and do just that again.
27. Dallas Cowboys - Colt McCoy, QB
America's team gets a homegrown to replace Romo. Romo does kind of suck on average, remember that botched field goal? lol
28. San Diego Chargers - Dan Williams, DT
And yet they will once again bow out of the playoffs without going to the super bowl, so sad
29. NY Jets - Sam Bradford, QB
This really doesn't make sense. Way to drop the ball Ryan, freakin idiot. At least trade out of the pick.
30. Minnesota Vikings - Sean Weatherspoon, LB
I like Weatherspoon, and it is about where he should be drafted, but I am sure there were other guys the Vikes could have used.
31. Indianapolis Colts - Lamarr Houston, DT
Don't really care, I want to get to the Rams next pick already
32. New Orleans Saints - Ndamukong Suh, DT
**** JUST *****. I mean, *****. ONE PICK AWAY!
33. St. Louis Rams - Brian Bulaga, OT
And we continue to suck
So now that I have shared my scientific method of player selection, on to the draft!
1. St. Louis Rams - Golden Tate, WR
WTF!? This is a horrible pick, Tate #1, you gotta be kidding me!? Fire Devaney and Spags now. I mean I know WR is a need, but we could have waited.
2. Detroit Lions - Carlos Dunlap, DE
Geez, well I guess the Lions get help on the D-line, but they continue to suck from poor drafting, just like us.
3. Tampa Bay Bucs - Brandon Graham, DE
Oh man, I guess everyone's draft boards were way wrong about who the top D-linemen were. Kudos to the teams for the best smoke screens ever!
4. Washington Redskins - Mike Iupati, OG
Strangely enough so far the teams ARE addressing needs, they just are doing it with players who weren't expected to go this high.
5. Kansas City Chiefs - Everson Griffen, DE
Alright, well, this one doesn't make a lot of sense, and KC fans are pissed about adding another d-linemen when their team as a whole sucks.
6. Seattle Seahawks - Jared Odrick, DT
Not a lot of sense to this one either, not with the top players still on the board. Teams are smoking something
7. Cleveland Browns - Jimmy Clausen, QB
Wow, that one is strange, they actually grab a QB which they are said to be targetting, and one of the top QBs! Except didn't Holmgren say he wasn't in love with Clausen? And isn't Bradford still on the board? Ah well, more smoke screens
8. Oakland Raiders - Demaryius Thomas, WR
Let's be honest, the only way anyone would be surprised by this pick is if it had made sense, but since it doesn't, no surprise.
9. Buffalo Bills - Sergio Kindle, OLB/DE
Eh, could do worse I suppose, but could do better, a lot better
10. Jacksonville Jaguars - Gerald McCoy, DT
Finally a big name comes off the board, guess no one likes Suh or Bradford much afterall. And after all that bickering too, we were all wrong.
11. Denver Broncos - Brian Price, DT
Really?
12. Miami Dolphins - Devin McCourty, CB
Really really?
13. They who shall not be named - Ryan Matthews, RB
Well they did want a RB to share the duties with Gore, and by all accounts he is a good one. Plus I heard C.J. Spiller kicks puppies, can't have that.
14. Seattle Seahawks - Jermaine Gresham, TE
A little high, but hey, hes a good TE, now if only they had a QB to throw to him
15. NY Giants - Earl Thomas, S
I can't argue the value, but I have to question whether S should have come before other positions, and with Berry still on the board.
16. Tennessee Titans - Joe Haden, CB
I am getting tired of making comments
17. Whiners - Eric Berry, S
****
18. Pittsburgh Steelers - Trent Williams, OT
The Steelers need to upgrade their line to protect their unsuspended QB's. Have to protect their investment!
19. Atlanta Falcons - C.J. Spiller, RB
blah blah blah, Atlanta Sucks, etc. etc.
20. Houston Texans - Russell Okung, OT
The media thinks the Texans made a good selection with great value, until the Texans announce he will be the place-kicker.
21. Cincinnati Bengals - Derrick Morgan, DE
His high potential gets crushed by being on the Bungles
22. New England Patriots - Dez Bryant, WR
Wow, it actually makes sense, even though Bryant still being there doesn't.
23. Green Bay Packers - Jahvid Best, RB
Too high, but what do I know? Not much apparently.
24. Philly Eagles - Vladimire Ducasse
Seriously, they just selected him for his name, it doesn't even matter what position he plays
25. Baltimore Ravens - Anthony Davis, OT
Probably makes sense, tired of commenting again.
26. Arizona Cardinals - Kyle Wilson, CB
Who cares? The Cardinals will soon realize they are supposed to suck and do just that again.
27. Dallas Cowboys - Colt McCoy, QB
America's team gets a homegrown to replace Romo. Romo does kind of suck on average, remember that botched field goal? lol
28. San Diego Chargers - Dan Williams, DT
And yet they will once again bow out of the playoffs without going to the super bowl, so sad
29. NY Jets - Sam Bradford, QB
This really doesn't make sense. Way to drop the ball Ryan, freakin idiot. At least trade out of the pick.
30. Minnesota Vikings - Sean Weatherspoon, LB
I like Weatherspoon, and it is about where he should be drafted, but I am sure there were other guys the Vikes could have used.
31. Indianapolis Colts - Lamarr Houston, DT
Don't really care, I want to get to the Rams next pick already
32. New Orleans Saints - Ndamukong Suh, DT
**** JUST *****. I mean, *****. ONE PICK AWAY!
33. St. Louis Rams - Brian Bulaga, OT
And we continue to suck
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